slightly stripper-esque qualities of six year old step daughter and her story-tellin' sistah

slightly stripper-esque qualities of six year old step daughter
1. She has this little shake-your-pa-changa dance that just makes you stand back and wonder where in the name of all that is holy and good did THAT come from???
2. She is, after all, a preacher's kid.
3. She likes motorcycles.
4. She likes makeup.
5. She likes taking her clothes off and streaking through the house.
6. Her name is Kylie. Isn't that the modern day equivalent of Amber or Tiffany or Heather?
7. She's blonde.
8. She's a total airhead.
9. She likes my pretty panties.
10. She especially likes my pretty panties that are hot pink and have a little lock and key dangling from a satin ribbon on them.
11. Penchant for applying body glitter all over body, especially on her face.
12. The... uhhh... how shall I put this sluttier I dress, the prettier she tells me I look.
13. She likes hoochie-momma heels. She convinced the Pastor to buy her some of those clear plastic shoes, and we all know the only people who wear those.

Her sister, on the other hand, lied to me for no reason whatsoever yesterday. Twice. If you are going to lie, then at least have a really good reason people! Ugh. Here's how one of the liar liar pants on fire stories went. She was playing outside with various and sundry neighborhood children. The Pastor was at the office. I was inside. She comes inside and I'm just making conversation. I say hey punkin, whatcha doin? She says oh I just came in to get something. So I say whatcha need? Oh, I forgot. OK.

She goes into her room. I'm in the hall and can kinda sorta see her rummaging around. She discretely puts something in one of her hands. She comes out of bedroom. I said what did ya get? She has a package of Skittles in her hand. She looks down and says, as though she is completely and totally surprised at the object in her hand, wow! I totally grabbed the wrong thing! She goes back into her room, puts the Skittles down and grabs the next available object which happens to be a stuffed bear.

Mind you, I did not tell her she could not have any Skittles, did not render any sort of opinion on the Skittles. This has been the entire exchange.

She walks out of bedroom, tells me she meant to get the bear, and goes back outside. I stand by the front door and I can completely hear all the kids outside. She tells the other kids welllll I went to get my Skittles, but Robyn was watching me the whole time!

Arrrrrgh!!! She lied to me one other time this past weekend, but it wasn't nearly as interesting so I haven't blathered on about it.

So, older daughter has a slight truth telling problem, and younger daughter is exhibiting qualities of an exotic dancer. They make a fine pair. I think I have my work cut out for me.

pink luggage, pouting, the pastor pays and one p.o.'d pontificate

The Pastor leaves for England tomorrow. I leave on Friday. The Pastor bought me pink very barbie looking luggage.

This Sunday was my first official Sunday as Mrs. Pastor. The Pastor guest preached at a church this Sunday. The music director prayed a special prayer for the special Pastor, but nobody said anything about the Pastor's wife.

The Pastor acted like he didn't know what he was going to preach about right before he went up on stage. He whispered in my ear "should I preach from Matthew or Mark"? I picked Matthew. Then he told me he was just kidding. Then I told him well that's too bad because God just divinely spoke Matthew to me.

The Pastor's sermon was about Herod and the Magi. Herod thinks he is a *star* but the Magi come to see the big J-man and it ticks Herod off. Kinda like me. I think I am the *star* but the people at the church came to see the Pastor. But I didn't get all huffy about it like Herod.

I don't know who dictated that all churches should be decorated as though it is 1985 and mauve is the only color which can be used. I think we have already established how much I like shades of pink, but geez! You'd think if everyone can agree on ugly church decor we could agree on Jesus stuff too.

me working vs. me not working
The Pastor has pointed out to me that he pays for everything anyway. Except for that one time at Ted's Escondido Mexican Restaurant when I was being very dramatic and told Tommy the Waiter I wanted my own separate check.

I swear if people don't stop putting dirty dishes in both sides of the sink I will freak out.

how do I love thee... let me count the ways...
I love the Pastor because
1. He wears boxer-briefs.
2. He has nice hands, feet and nail beds. Never underestimate the power of nice nail beds!
3. Great kisser.
4. His sexy bald head.
5. He's a total absent minded professor.
6. He bought me a big diamond ring.
7. He cleans my big diamond ring so it will be sparkly.
8. He writes me a note in the driveway with sidewalk chalk that makes me smile when I try to pull in the driveway but can't because there are bikes and scooters and small people everywhere.
9. Duh, the pink luggage.
10. When I try to get out of bed in the morning he throws his leg over me and won't let me.
11. He is so sick and twisted, that since he now knows the dirty dishes in both sides of the sink thing gets to me, he'll do it on purpose.

fun with tortillas Posted by Hello

the ultimate commitment

I knew he loved me when he bought me the big diamond ring. I knew he loved me when he put all my stuff in his garage. I knew he loved me when he let me drive the Mustang. But this is the sum total of all commitments - combining cell phone plans. He had to "assume responsibility" for me. We had a little ceremony right there at the T-Mobile store. It's funny how the Pastor gets all the responsibility and has to pay all the money, and I just sit around and look cute. Oh, by the way, I have on the free t-shirt that came with my Britney Spears perfume. Posted by Hello

OK, I made this Oreo dessert. It was quite complex to make, and I could have gotten the same result by just dumping Oreos, chocolate pudding and cool whip in a bowl.  Posted by Hello

but I can't drive a stick...

Me and younger daughter & older daughter. I'm in the driver's seat of the 1951 Chevy Truck. Posted by Hello


Nazarene night out

Me & the Pastor on our nice Nazarene night out. Dig my shawl! (I told the Pastor it looks like I have cleavage. He said "I'm glad you think so sweetie"!) Posted by Hello

neither approved nor disapproved by the Nazarene church night out

Me & the Pastor at the Paseo Arts Festival. No red eye in the photo! Wow! Posted by Hello

pretty in the face

It's Saturday, but remember - I am busy, important career woman and had to come to the office. I reluctantly left the sleepy Pastor at home in bed. He looked so cute, sleeping on his back in the middle of the bed on our pink Target bedding. His sweet little bald head. My small child and younger daughter were awake. I threatened them within an inch of their lives to not wake up the sleeping Pastor. He has a sermon to preach tomorrow people! He must be well-rested to deliver the word of God! Then, before I came to office I went to Clark's Pastry Shop and loaded up on donut holes and pink horsey cookies for the kiddos and a maple long john for my beloved. Isn't that nice of me to tell the kiddos to not wake the Pastor up yet simultaneously load them up with sugar? But kiddos must have donuts and horsey cookies from Clark's Pastry Shop on Saturday morning.

You never know what exciting things the Pastor and his bride will do on a Friday night. Last night, we went to eat Korean food with the Pastor's work colleagues so he could tell them about his trip to the Holy Land. That's all very fascinating, but I know what you are really thinking. What did you wear, Robyn? I wore a bright pink strapless lace shirt, with a little bow right under where my boobies would be if I had any boobies. White eyelet skirt. Black strappy shoes. Big hair. This really cool pink crocheted shawl the Pastor brought me back from Jerusalem (the tag said made in China, that was funny). I probably didn't look very Nazarene Pastor wife-ish.

outfit of the day
I promised Nate the Great I would wake him up at 7:20 this morning before I went to office. Yes, he asked me to wake him up at exactly 7:20. The reason: he claims he is a morning person. That made me giggle because if he was really a morning person, he wouldn't need Mommy to wake his little hiney up. Anyways, I got Nate up and he told me I looked pretty. I said sweety! I am just wearing my black capri track pants and my "marry rich" shirt (btw, the Pastor hates this shirt) and have my hair in a very cute and fashionable ponytail and just have a clean, scrubbed make-up free face! He said you look pretty in the face mommy. What a sweet kid. Of course, he had just rolled out of bed and still had the sleep in his eyes and no glasses on, but if he wants to say that I'm pretty in the face then that's what we're going with.

We have another Nazarene outing tonight. I haven't decided what to wear yet. I know you will be anxiously awaiting for my next post.


The Pastor and Nate the Great. What handsome boys I have!  Posted by Hello

will work for marabou slippers

The Pastor has opined that I should quit my job. That is both intoxicating and frightening.

1. I've never had that opportunity before.
2. At times like these, one must consult higher spiritual powers. What would Bridget Jones do? Where is my bible (Bridget Jones Guide to Life)? What would Carrie Bradshaw do? Bridget would quit her job in a second if Mark Darcy wanted her to. And he would love her even if she were not employed, because he loves her even when she's fat. Carrie would be completely perplexed, so she would spend the day shoe shopping to mull things over. Carrie would also go drink some Cosmos, but alas, I am a nice Pastor's wife and unable to do so.
3. The Pastor brought this up a wee bit early this morning. So,
a. I'm not sure I can hold him accountable for conversations that occur so early in the morning and
b. One should never have serious conversations before coffee. I have just a pounding, massive headache now and that is not a good way to plod through the day.
4. On the way to work, hovering over my office, was a hot air balloon. Was that some sort of sign? What does it mean? If I didn't have this job, I wouldn't have seen the hot air balloon. Seeing the hot air balloon made me happy and made me smile. I thought about the people floating around in the balloon on this lovely May day. However, spending an extra hour in bed with the Pastor would have made me happier this morning.
5. I make a lot of money. I am a busy and important career woman. Is that how I define myself? Is that where I draw my security from? I fear that is what I have grown accustomed to. Is that what I should be doing? It scares me to stay, it scares me to leave.
6. How do people who don't work buy cute clothes? And purses and bracelets and makeup and thongs?
7. If I didn't work, would I still wear skirts? Absolutely.
8. I've never left a job without having another gig lined up. Well, I guess I technically would have another gig lined up. Working for the Pastor.
9. I could totally understand quitting if I had little bitty kiddos, but I don't have little bitty kiddos. I don't even have little bitty poodle puppies. Would I go stir crazy if I didn't work a normal "job"? But I would have a husband to take care of, and that could totally be a job in and of itself. A fun job.
10. Do you think someone would pay me to blog? That would be really cool.
11. It would be easy for me to find something else, because it's always easier for attractive people to find work.
12. Would I automatically turn into one of those fat mommies who roll out of bed and drive their kids to school with no shower and no makeup wearing fuzzy slippers and pajama bottoms? No, I would shower and put on makeup and at least my marabou fur trimmed heels I bought at Frederick's of Hollywood.
13. I could get job in Customer Service Department at Wal Mart. Then, even when I worked, I would still get to see the Pastor.


bling bling, much anticipated dry cleaner update and the infamous cinnamon roll incident

The Pastor and I were talking. Apparently, I am learning that is something married couples actually do. I know! anyway, the Pastor said the best pre-trip investment he had made was buying a new pair of sunglasses. I said I thought *I* was the best pre-trip investment you had made!!! The Pastor said I wasn't so much an investment as a very pricey luxury item.

But then he said I am like the accessory of his life. His bling.

I tried a new dry cleaner. I can never go back there. It's not like they didn't do a good job or were too expensive or did not provide good service. It's just that they hung all my clothes on the hangers facing the wrong direction. Everyone knows if you were facing the buttons that the hook of the hanger is on the left side. Duh!

I haven't felt much like blogging this week. You'd think there would be all sorts of blog fodder, being a newlywed and having three kids and all. But people, a lot of this stuff just. isn't. funny.

There's a lot of adjustment to living with a whole bunch of people. People who handle things much differently than you handle things. The Pastor apparently buys things and takes them back. Once I make a decision to purchase something, it's a permanent decision. There's no going back. Plus as much as I hate places like Wal Mart, I'm not going to buy something there with the thought that I might actually have to go back a 2nd time and wait in the return line which I imagine if there is a purgatory, it would be much like the customer service/return department at Wal Mart. And with being a newlywed and all, the whole concept of returning something makes me very uneasy. Does the Pastor think he can take me back too? Needless to say, just to be on the safe side, I'm not going to take my big diamond ring off my finger.

This is really the only week we have together as a family until the end of July. Ugh! I worked so hard to get the house ready for the Pastor to come home, perhaps I'm feeling a bit of a let down that I worked so hard on something and now it's over and I worked so hard on the house and now there's all these people there who insist on putting dirty dishes on both sides of the sink and leave stuff all over my nice clean flat surfaces. Shoes everywhere! And the Pastor may be just a teensy bit grumpy, jet lagged, stressed that he is only home for a week? I dunno. And I've been completely over the top sensitive. Then the Pastor is walking around saying things like what happened to the family room, why is this room such a pit? or how much money is in your checking account??? So needless to say, between the Pastor's jet-lagedness and my over-sensitivity, it's been an interesting week.

Then there was the infamous cinnamon roll incident of 2005. We went to a food trough last night and younger daughter got this cinnamon roll. She asked her daddy to cut it up. Pahhhlease! The thing was soft, doughy bread! So I said "Younger daughter, you are a big girl. You can cut up your own cinnamon roll. Do you know how? " She didn't, so I showed her how. She did it for like two seconds, leaned over to daddy Pastor and whispered in his ear. The next thing I know, the Pastor is cutting up her cinnamon roll. I tried to explain to Pastor that I had just told her to cut her own cinnamon roll ! ! ! , but much like every other thing I've tried to express this week, I guess the words just didn't come out right. Oh well. Anyway, he cut up her cinnamon roll and it irritated me.

Then there was this whole other incident where the Pastor made a suggestion as to how I might handle a situation with my small child, and that one didn't turn out so well either but the theme of this blog is really about how fabulous and perfect I am so I won't go on and on with that whole story.


while the Pastor is away...

You never know what wild things will happen at the Parsonage! Things got completely outta control! Posted by Hello


large shoulder pads, vaginal delivery by robot and donuts

Robyn's fabulous Star Wars movie review

Let me sum things up. Why would large shoulder pads ever come back into style? But the Jedi boys can totally get away with it because they know how to work it with those hooded capes.

Oh, and there's this one scene where Obi Wan tells Pad Thai that Anakin has been a bad boy. Pad Thai says nuh-uh, but then she puts on this fab maternity pants outfit and chases her baby daddy down to see what up.

Where are the restaurants? Where and when do these people eat? And its so typical. There's this big huge war and the men are all fighting and the one chick in the movie is brushing her hair and worrying about how she's going to decorate the baby's room. And as cool as I think robots are, personally if I am going to have a baby I don't want a robot with metal talons assisting with the vaginal delivery. Where was the force when that was going on?

I like those robot things in the movie that look like dogs even though they're evil. I think they are cute. But since they look like dogs, the Pastor probably wouldn't let me have one of those either.

It was the best Star Wars movie in my opinion. Nathan and I agree it is our favorite. The effects were spectacular. Very well done.

I just had a strange realization though. The very first time I saw the very first Star Wars it was what - 1977? and my Uncle Paul and Aunt Debbie took my brothers and I to see it. We went to Winchell's and had a donut too. I just realized without even thinking about that yesterday, before Nathan and I went to see the movie we went to the bakery and got donuts and took them with us. What is this strange correlation between going to see Star Wars films and eating donuts? Hmmmm.


One of my favorite wedding pictures. I miss the Pastor. And I must love him a lot to be cleaning this filthy house. See pics below. Posted by Hello

A different view of bedroom. This was another "flat surface" that stuff was just piled on! Put anything on top of this vanity area and face the consequences!  Posted by Hello

Pic of clean bedroom! Don't you just love my new bedding from Target?  Posted by Hello

Clean kitchen! Nice clean counter tops to work on!  Posted by Hello

the most important clean thing in the whole house Posted by Hello

OK, this pic is really, really dark... but I MUST show it to you. It's a built-in desk off of our kitchen. It took me two entire evenings to clean off all the stuff that had been piled up on it. That's right. I worked all day at the office, then came home at night and worked on this desk the entire evening for two straight days. If anyone messes it up, I may kill them. And if I was ever called to serve on a jury where someone killed someone for messing up a clean room they had slaved away on, I would say it was completely justifiable.  Posted by Hello

the mantle in our living room Posted by Hello


do Jedi Knights wear kicky eyelet skirts and drink lattes?

use the force
Went to Starbucks this morning. There was a young man in the coffee shop dressed in full Jedi Knight garb. I totally should have taken my picture with him. Why, oh why, did I NOT do that? Oh, because I wasn't fully awake yet and this idea did not occur to me until after I drank my coffee. The movie doesn't start until tomorrow. All I could think of was if this is what he's wearing today, what on earth is he going to wear tomorrow? It doesn't seem logical to me that a Jedi Knight would need a caffeine boost, since they have the force and all, but who am I to argue? Or maybe he got decaf. And I've seen the Star Wars movies, I don't recall there being a Starbucks in any of them.

scientific experiment
As far as I could tell, using the force didn't get him as good of service as I got just for being me.

outfit of the day
Today is a jeans day at work so naturally I have on a cute white eyelet skirt and a bright pink tee and bright pink heels so that everyone can say "why don't you have on jeans today"??? But who wants to wear jeans when you can wear a kicky little eyelet skirt. Or a Jedi outfit. Eyelet makes me happy. Oh, and my hair looks very nice again today. It's all flipped-out.

happy birthday to me!
Speaking of eyelet and happy... I got some cash for my birthday and I thought and thought about what I really wanted. I decided I really, really wanted the black eyelet strapless dress my chocolate-loving friend wore in dreamwedding2005. So the dress arrived yesterday. I was a bit concerned that I wouldn't be able to fit my fat hiney into the size 6, but with it's a-line skirt and empire-ish waist, it fit! Now I am happy that I did get the dress I wanted and it fits. So maybe I am not so fat after all.

I haven't felt like posting for a couple of days. I've been in a foul non-posting sort of mood.

more dream interpretation
I was having a lovely dream about the Pastor last night. But then I woke up. Sure I can stay asleep while I'm on the train/tram driving through the giant pit filled with slow-slithering snakes, but when I'm dreaming something nice about the Pastor I wake up.

the top reasons it was ok for me to have a fantasy pregnancy alert while the Pastor is out of the country:
1. My boobies were sore.
2. My ever increasing bootie.
3. People would always wonder if we had to get married.
4. Because I am completely dramatic.
5. God has a sense of humor, doesn't she?
6. Man + woman = babies. Right?
7. Because an even number of kids would be better than an odd number. Odd numbers freak me out.
8. I was using the force.
9. Pregnancy tests are yet another fun, scientific experiment. And hey, you never know.


yet another completely un-original blog entry about liquid chocolate and snake-related dreams

Very bizarre dream this weekend. I dreamt that I went to visit a friend of mine in Washington, D.C. I went into her office. She wasn't there. Amazingly, the lay-out of her office was exactly like one I had worked in years ago, except the desk was turned opposite of how it was in my old office. Anyway, I waited around for my friend a bit, looked at the pictures on her desk. She had something chocolate on her desk, and I ate it. Then I got tired of waiting and walked out of her office. She had a male boss and a female secretary. I started chatting it up with them. Then I left with the male boss - he was about 50ish with gray hair. He showed me where to get on the public transport train and we started talking about restaurants. I made the comment that we had none of the restaurants I was seeing where I live. We got off the train. He stopped to eat, however, I did not eat because I wanted to keep my options open for which new and exciting restaurant I wanted to try.

OK, the dream's been fairly non-eventful and non-freaky up to this point. But then, we get back on the train and the train starts going very slowly. The train is open now and more like a tram, and we are driving slowly through a huge snake pit. At first I think the snakes are plastic, like Nathan's plastic snake Roger, but then I realize they are not plastic but are all about dead and just slithering very slowly. All the snakes were large, dark and very smooth looking.

Here's what the on-line dream interpreter said:

-To see a snake signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. The snake may also be seen as phallic and thus symbolize dangerous and forbidden sexuality. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal.

Hmmm, well whatever the meaning was, the snakes were almost dead.

-To dream that you are on a train, is symbolic of your life's journey and suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed for the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end.

-To dream that you are in a restaurant, suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions/choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside your social support system.

-To see chocolate in your dream, signifies self-reward. It also denotes that you may be indulging in too many excesses (Starbucks, PF Changs, purses... ) and need to practice some restraint (like make your own coffee, cook your own food). And I'm probably not being a very good friend if I'm just helping myself to my girlfriend's chocolate.

Or the dream could just mean 1. I've been thinking about Nathan's plastic snake Roger and how he might have been involved in some unfortunate kid-related incident that I don't think I got the full story on where Roger ended up losing his head and I had to buy Nathan more plastic snakes to make up for the loss. 2. I dreamt about my friend because I had been texting her before bed 3. She likes chocolate and 4. I dreamt about restaurants because I ate out that night and I love to eat out. But I may be over-simplifying things.

Amazing discoveries:
1. It is possible to survive one weekend, possible - but not desirable, without either a mani or a pedi.
2. Hot rollers! My hair looks fabulous today!
3. It is possible to make large, blueberry muffins and not just purchase them at Starbucks.
4. My fat ass. Where did that come from? Amazing I would really wonder that immediately after typing about muffins.
5. It is possible for me to drive a car that has neither a CD player or power steering. Hooray for the Vintage Ford Mustang! (Plus I look totally cute driving it.)
6. Chantico - new chocolate drink at Starbucks. My chocolate-loving friend was asking me the other day if I'd tried this. No, I hadn't. So I asked one of my Starbucks friends yesterday and they gave me a free one. I watched them make it. They poor this stuff from a pitcher that looks like raw sewage. That kind of made me not want to drink it. It was ok, but a bit too rich and syrup-y. Who wants to drink a hot, melted candy bar? But the tiny cup it came in was cute.
7. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Strange things I've discovered amongst all the checkered things while cleaning the parsonage:
1. My bedroom floor.
2. Prom photos of the Pastor. Those just made me giggle.
3. Oh but then I stumbled across a photo of the Pastor and the former Mrs. Pastor. They were all snuggled up on a couch and smiling. I didn't like that picture. It's funny that the prom photos I thought were just silly, but this photo made me feel not very nice. And I know the Pastor would want me to be like Jesus.
4. A sling-shot. What does a Pastor need with a sling-shot? That hardly seems Jesus-like. Unless it is used to shoot Nicodemus out of a tree.
5. Closets, yet none of them large enough to hold my vast collection of inappropriate yet cute clothing. I am slowly and single-handedly taking over the closet space in the parsonage as I continue to unpack.
6. Found my black, front-slit pencil skirt from The Limited. Notice how when I talk about the Pastor it is "the Pastor" but The Limited is "The Limited".
7. "Bible Pictionary". Uh, who wants to play against the resident bible scholar? Who thought this game in our home was a good idea?
8. A picture of the Pastor shirtless in a garden with older daughter when older daughter was a much younger daughter and they were picking vine-ripe tomatoes. Oooo, the sight of my beloved Pastor with no shirt on in the sunshine with vine-ripe tomatoes. The Pastor + vine-ripe tomatoes + lettuce + oil & vinegar = one delicious salad. I miss him.


Look at me! I made muffins! And chocolate chip waffles! Disclaimer: whipped cream was actually added by small child. I would have put on more.  Posted by Hello

stealth vegetarianism, destroy all the Hamburger Helper, bootyliciousness and the adventures of Lava Girl

One night last week the Pastor and I were chatting up with someone and the topic of conversation was me being a vegetarian and how did I cook for the whole family? The Pastor started talking about how I managed to cook for both carnivores and vegetarians and while he was talking about it and rattling off the things I had cooked so far I think he began to realize how I had secretly cooked all vegetarian meals.

I took advantage of the Pastor being gone to clean out the pantry and make a sizeable donation to the needy. So I am secretly cooking vegetarian for the Pastor and have rid the cupboards of all Hamburger Helper. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!

Movie review - Monster in Law
Although Jane Fonda looks somewhat like the plastic dinosaur head-on-a-stick that Nate won at Incredible Pizza the other night and she really should cover her neck with a lovely scarf, the movie was hilarious. And J Lo, I've got to embrace anyone who is secure with her flat chestedness and bootyliciousness. And on a side J Lo note, her cd "This Is Me... Then" has been my official parsonage cleaning soundtrack.

Just saw the preview of "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl". Not only does it look like perhaps the worst movie EVER made, the makers must have decided it was not horrific enough so they also decided to make it 3D.

Do you think he was a little excited about Star Wars Episode III Opening Night tickets??? Posted by Hello


rain drops keep falling on my cute highlighted wavy hair...

1. I knew the Pastor was a smarty! He has wisely bought me souvenirs! Pink and sparkly! Pink and sparkly!

2. He must really know God. Because I have the keys to the Mustang convertible, and it won't stop raining.

why I am so fat...

!!!!! Posted by Hello


but it has bananas in it...

As a matter of fact, sometimes we DO spoil our dinner with ice cream! Posted by Hello

Bad pic - but Nathan fell asleep holding the "dinosaur head on a stick" he acquired at Incredible Pizza! The wait at the new pizza place was something else. I offered to give Nate $20 cash to just go to the Indian restaurant across the street with me, but he wouldn't have any of that!  Posted by Hello

Nate at Incredible Pizza Posted by Hello

Pastor... Pastor... where for art thou Pastor?

Stuff I can do to entertain myself while the Pastor is away:

1. Sigh deeply. DONE

2. Clean big diamond ring. DONE

3. Drive around in Pastor's convertible. Sure I will be sad and alone, but the fresh air should cheer me up.

4. Not cook.

5. Read my "In Style" magazine.

6. Lose about 20 lbs.

7. Not make the bed.

8. Put my own gas in my own car. Rats. I hate that. Fortunately I have three vehicles at my disposal to drain dry before I have to go to a gas station.

9. Take out trash. If I smoosh everything up real tiny and don't eat at home for the next two weeks, I may be able to let this chore wait til the Pastor comes home. Isn't that a nice welcome home gift? I do have one small child I can exert my authority upon to do this for the rest of this week.

10. Start new and exciting anonymous blog to say all the things I'd really like to say.

11. Dispose of all the things in the house I can't stand, i.e. anything checkered.

12. Relocate all the things the Pastor knew where to find before he left.

13. Complete and total makeover. Search for a new look since I, unfortunately, can't look "bridal" forever. Sniff-sniff.

14. Smell his pillow. Smell his cologne.

15. Spend two hours of my life I will never get back at new "Incredible Pizza" ... home of great food, fun, family and friends! Oh, wait, that's what I'm doing as I type this.


all this over a bowl of apple slices, but we can rejoice in the non-gingham bedding!

Why yes, it is too early for salad!

I enjoy going to McDonald's about as much as I enjoy going to Wal Mart. I probably hate McDonald's worse than Wal Mart, because every excursion to McDonald's means I will have some sort of encounter with a non-English speaking McEmployee who will try to dialogue with me for about ten minutes regarding the fact that I want a cheeseburger with no meat and will then inevitably give me a regular cheeseburger.

So Nate the Great asked me if we could go to McDonald's this morning and get him a biscuit. I acquiesced. Pull up to the drive through and notice they have a new "apple walnut salad". So me not having any lunch packed and being on a diet because I am so fat, think I will just grab a salad now. And I am very excited as this menu item actually has no meat on it and it won't be like the time when the McAssociate explained to me that I had to choose either grilled or fried chicken strips for my salad even though I told her I didn't want any chicken. She wore me down and I finally picked grilled.

OK, back to our story. We ordered at the window. I ask the McPerson if it was too early for a salad. Bless her heart, no habla English but she smiled at me with a big, bright smile. Salad was probably a word she was not trained to hear on the breakfast shift. However she rang it up, I paid for it and we proceeded to the next window. Got to the 2nd window and received Nater Tater's biscuit and hash browns (by the way this is total progress that the kid will eat hash browns - for years I had the only kid in the world who would not eat a french fry). I explained to non-English speaking associate #2 that I also had a salad. Huh? Bless his heart. He and two other very excited McCoworkers flurried around looking slightly panicked, with this look about them that said "salad, in the morning???". I know the look because I've also seen it for "cheeseburger with no meat???". Mind you the "salad" I ordered consists of apples, nuts, grapes and yogurt. No actual lettuce.

Finally another McEmployee directs me to pull up, out of the drive through and they can bring it to me. Oh no. This can't be good. This is the place where problem orders go. So I pull up and several minutes go by and a salad is delivered to me. Mind you, I get to the office (no I didn't check my order while still at McDonald's because I no longer cared) and the salad I ordered, straight off the menu without any variations, was a bowl of apple slices.

Now it could very well be that after all the "hot and fresh just for you" special requests I've been known to make at McDonald's that the corporation has developed some sort of flyer about me and when McEmployee's see me coming they panic and prepare to customize.

Incidentally, I happened across a handy little guide for making McDonald's meatless on their website. It basically says to order things without meat. They also have a handy-dandy list of all their meatless foods, which is great except for the fact that they almost all total junkfood like ice cream, biscuits, cookies, and my personal favorite - bottled water.

I have worked very hard to instill in Nathan that fast food is just bad and not something we eat on any sort of consistent basis. Just an every once in a while sort of thing. Hello......we have sit down restaurants for cryin' out loud! But I am a nice Mommy and was happy to get him breakfast. He ate his hash browns, but took a bite of his biscuit and said it did not taste good. Score one for Mom!

Another restaurant note. After many consecutive nights* of cooking at home, I think I may have angered the restaurant industry. The past two nights, the Pastor and I have eaten out and have received poor service. One of the experiences was at my beloved On the Border! Say it isn't so! I feel so betrayed. The delicious guacamole live does not make up for it. I am entirely convinced the word is out that I am cooking and no longer frequenting the eating establishments.

*I've been married for 18 days.

The pastor and I got new bedding! It was very exciting because all of our bedding was from our prior marriages and that just seems like bad mo-jo. I went to Target (way cooler than Wal Mart) several times and agonized over bedding. I was worrying all about what the Pastor would like. Hey... I am going to sleep on it too! He finally went to Target with me (it was my birthday) and we got all bright pink middle eastern inspired bedding. The prior Pastor's wife was apparently fond of all things checkered - checkered placemats, checkered sheets, checkered dish towels, checkered napkin rings, checkered shower curtain, checks checks everywhere! It is very nice to have non-gingham bedding. Also between the Pastor's red and white checkered sheets and hunter green comforter, it was way too Christmas-y. Glory halleluiah, rejoice in the new bedding.

18 days later, and he's already fleeing the country

The Pastor is leaving for Jerusalem today. I must say I like picking him up from the airport much more than I like taking him. I'd worry what I'm going to write while he's away, but as you can see from the monologue above there's nothing to be concerned about. I am looking forward to finally being able to finish organizing the Parsonage though.

We had our first post-marital newlywed spat. I won't go into detail except to say 1. I was completely right and 2. I'm really really cute so it's hard to stay mad at me. Oh, and since the Pastor will be many time zones away without a cell phone or e-mail and unavailable for comment, that's the version of the story we'll use.


run Bambi run!!!

Bed & breakfast - strange picture of bears dancing and playing musical instruments on the wall behind me. Also in the room was a very scary "Bambi" picture. Looked like Bambi was lost in the woods at night and about to be attacked by a vicious bird. Posted by Hello

all the birthday humilation, none of the free dessert Posted by Hello

current pedicure Posted by Hello

me & Britney Spears - kindred spirits?

The Pastor is a genius, part 382

We are at a bed and breakfast tonight. We had to flee from the ants.

I feel completely and totally relaxed. Of course, my head is a bit snuffly and I exceeded the recommended daily allowance times three for an antihistamine, but I do feel quite relaxed with the Pastor.

Me and Britney Spears - kindred spirits?

I have not-so-secretly liked Britney Spears perfume since the day it came out, but it is not something that I have felt appropriate for a grown woman like me to buy. And I normally don't feel that way about stuff says the girl with pieces of clothing entirely inappropriate for her and body glitter and who seriously thought about having her nails painted blue at the mani pedi place today. Back to our story. Pastor bought me the biggest bottle they make of the stuff for my b-day.

And Brit and I have something in common... we were both married to two different guys in a one year time period. Except Kevin Federline allows Britney to have a small dog.

Stuff that Britney Spears and I have in common:
1. Married to two guys in a one year time period. (The Pastor read what I was writing and told me he didn't like it but still I am leaving it in because even though it is just a technicality and a bit of a stretch, I think it is funny and it is THE main crux of Britney and I being soul sistahs.)
2. Did not take our new husband's last name.
3.Have vacillated between blonde-ness and brunette-ness.
4. We each have cute accents.
5. We both had to cancel our tour after a knee injury. Of course, Britney is just laying around being lazy, and me... I still get up and come to the office each day.
6. There are concerns that our respective husbands may have married us for our money. Kevin, for Britney's $600 kabillion dollars, the Pastor for my $600.
7. We both turned from our innocent, sweet-sixteen look to something a bit more seductive.

Someday, perhaps, I'll make another of these lists based on the link between Paris Hilton and I having Sidekicks.


hot & fat, no one wants to sing me a special song, and being attacked by ants

I thought I was making great progress with younger daughter. We had this beautiful moment yesterday when she sang me the "I Love You Mommy" song. After she sang it I hugged her and told her how good she did. I thought we were having a moment. Then she said "I'm going to go sing it to my sissy too!" So apparently she was just proud of the fact that she knew the song and would sing it to anyone who would listen.

I weighed yesterday, which is something I have not done in a very long time. In part because I made it a new year's resolution to NOT step on a scale and I have been successful with that resolution. So I weighed, and now I am on a diet. Last night the Pastor comes home very late after teaching a class and crawls into bed with me, the sleepy fat one. We are chit chatting about our day stuff, and have a conversation about how fat I am and how I'm on a diet, blah blah blah. Then a few minutes later, the Pastor says "your body is HOT!" He should have stopped there, but nooooooooooo... he went on to say "I mean in the temperature sense". Whyyyyyyyyyy oh whyyyyyyy after I've just told you how fat I am would you not stop at "HOT"??? It was practically my birthday and all!

By the way, there was an ant in our bathroom yesterday.

all hail to the birthday princess

my birthday cubicle... I wore a pink and white dress today too... all are impressed that I actually match my birthday decorations! Posted by Hello