Journey to the Center of Stupidity

You are welcome. I saw this movie, and now you don't have to! Send me the $10 and save two hours of your life if you like.

I like Brendan Fraser. Adorable! In fact, the name "Brendan Fraser (insert Nate's last name here)" made the short list of baby names when I was pregnant about a million years ago.

First of all, I live in a city that's not important enough to get the movie in 3D. We got it in 2D. Of course this was confusing to the kids that we were going to see a 2D movie. What's that? Uhhhh, it's just a normal movie. It was totally obvious where the cheesy 3D effects would have been. Oh look, a yo-yo. Birds flying. Dandelions being blown. Fish jumping out of the water. But even funny glasses wouldn't have saved this one.

C'mon! They journey to the center of the Earth. There are polarity issues - North is South and South is North. Huh? They are in a magnetic field. They are in a middle Earth ocean being attacked by flying fish. There are dinosaurs.

And what happens? A cell phone rings! Someone has somehow installed a cell phone tower, and the dinosaurs haven't toppled it over! I wonder which cell phone company claims middle Earth on their coverage map?

I can suspend reality on a lot of things, but cell phone coverage is not one of them. I can drive two miles from my house, and there's a black hole for cell phone coverage. Every time I have driven through that intersection while on any phone, the call drops. But maybe that's because I live in a city that isn't even special enough for 3D.

Oh, and that whole polarity thing, that's just weird. I'm so bad with directions I wonder if things would finally make sense if I traveled to the center of the Earth.

But who knows. Maybe I'm just writing a bad movie review because I'm cranky from the low-fat diet. I just had a yummy dinner of fat-free plain yogurt, banana and kiwi. Beats another gallbladder attack. And this movie.


What happens in Vegas

stays in your gallbladder and clogs it up in a very bad way.

Are you really surprised? Did you see what I had to eat? Can you imagine what I ate that I was too embarrassed to photograph? And you thought the worst thing I did was outlet mall shop.

The funny thing is, it hasn't bothered me to eat chips and salsa, french fries, burritos, cheese, etc. What has set me off? Things like cucumbers. Broccoli. Pecans.

You know I was sick. This is how you know. I did something I have never ever ever done. I had to miss a hair appointment. You don't mess with the hairdresser. Looks like someone is going to get an extra big tip and a Dr. Pepper for the reschedule.

The doctors suggestion? Perhaps you could eat some shredded wheat with no milk for breakfast. Wow! What a fantastic idea! Wait a minute, that's what I already eat for breakfast! Exactly 25 squares, while the Pastor gets to eat things like 5 Eggs Benedict. Or leftover bar-b-q. I don't eat meat, pork, chicken, onions and about a million other things. I hardly have any dairy. OK, I blew it in Vegas and I am obviously being punished.

What a better excuse to sit around and watch the E! True Hollywood Story on Britney Spears. And I wanted to lose few pounds anyway.

The absolute worst thing about having to make an emergency visit to the hospital? The Pastor gone and all those cute firefighters in my immaculate house, and me flat on the bathroom tile (thank you, cleaning lady) in the Pastor's Duke University t-shirt with throw-up in my hair already sporting unsightly roots.

I. could. have. died. right. then. and. there.



the video is not good

stupid I Phone

maybe its better our faces our blurred, identities concealed

start spreading the news

While the Pastor is teaching Bible in Jerusalem, I took Nate for a mom/son va-ca to Las Vegas.

1. Sin City. It is a sin to eat that much food. Am now thinking there must be some ministerial/missionary opportunity there. Take all the hungry people to Las Vegas? They've got plenty of food there.

2. If you don't see me in many of the pictures, its because I didn't want to be photographed eating that much.

3. I didn't get picked for The Price is Right. Nate was so disappointed.

4. New York New York is such a big hotel, there are three full size Starbucks in it. Real Starbucks. Not that "we proudly brew" stuff. 100% Authentic. (I got another city mug!)

5. Coach Outlet. Gap Outlet. Pac Sun Outlet. Hurley Outlet. J Crew Outlet. BCBG Outlet! Sorry Pastor. But I am saving all sorts of money on mexican food while you are gone.

6. I'm pretty sure I earned an activity point just walking from our hotel room to the elevators. We practically needed a tram for the journey. How can a hotel be that big? Anyway, all the activity points in the world don't matter when you eat french fries three times in as many days. (OK, there was cheese on some of the fries.) That's more times than I get to eat french fries in a year.

7. M&M World! Who knew there was so much junk in the world with the M&M logo on it? Coca Cola World II! What kid needs to go to two Coca Cola Worlds in one summer?

8. Those hotel glasses I'm not going to drink out of? Perfect for organizing my toiletries!


the incredible shrinking woman

My bum was mysteriously smaller today.

Its probably just hiding.


That'll teach him.

I'll show the Pastor what I think about him going somewhere without me.

This isn't what our bedroom looked like before he left.

But he'll probably be more curious to find out where all his clothes went.

Extreme Home Makeover: Parsonage Edition

Where the television formerly resided. Now the Pastor will just have to look at me.

my tool chest


I don't know what that means, and I don't care enough to Google it.

What the Pastor is doing: learning about nonreduction neuroscientific estimations of free will and determinism.

What I am doing: trying to figure out what to wear today, and its noon. Thinking about going to get a manicure. Cleaning out my kitchen cabinets. Doing laundry. Cleaning out my makeup to give stuff to my niece.


deja vu

Nice feeling at church on Sunday. Look around and think I have that shirt. I have those shorts. I have that top. Wait, no I don't. I gave that stuff away! Keep looking around. Realize three people at church have on outfits which formerly resided in my closet. Not sure if I was feeling like a nice person or if I was just high from baby-sniffing. I had a baby sitting on my lap, and he smelled way too good.

Normally, I'm a pretty good speller, but everytime I write deja vu, I have to dictionary.com it. Therefore, everytime I dictionary.com deja vu, I have deja vu.

I think I'm still high from the Baby Magic.

Every day is the same. I swear I'm not going to stay up til 1 in the morning. I want to be alert. I want to have a good day. I don't want to take a nap. I'm not a good napper. If I take a nap at the swimming pool, how will I ever get my magazines read? Naps don't work. They make me crankier. But its 12:30 a.m., and here I am. I would say tomorrow is a whole new day, but its already tomorrow now isn't it? I'm not off to a good start.



This is a before and after picture.

After I cleaned out my closets.

Before I went to Macy's and The Limited yesterday (and the day before). Take 50% off the lowest marked price? Thank you! Clothes at 85% off?!? I can't buy stuff this cheap at Goodwlll! Actually, yes I can, but other people have worn it first.


You'll be very disappointed with this post

if you are that person who reads my blog and blames me for the downfall of Christianity, etc.

Here's some of my shoes - some of what's left after cleaning out my closets.


Minnie Me

If you delete "gardening" and change Mickey to the Pastor, I have the same to-do list as Minnie Mouse.

Minnie is happy, right? Or is that bow on her head tied a little too tight, giving her the appearance of a perma-grin?