tidbits from my va-ca

-You CAN get through airport security with thumbprint cookies.

-Snakes on a plane? Nope. How about Rats. In all of my travel delays, until this trip I've never had one caused by a rat, which involved sitting on the plane for over an hour before take off, and concluding with the PILOT having to come out of the cockpit to take out the rat trash. Terrorist? TerRATist? Maybe this was some kind of promotional campaign by the makers of Ratatouille?

-Sex with a bra on may prevent pregnancy. *

-If you rub on the side of a building for good luck, it wears down the stone, and eventually the building may collapse. How lucky is that?

-The snakehead fish is alive and well.

-I am the best packer in the world. Seriously. My trip spanned six days, no outfit repeats and only one purse + a very stylish and small silver duffle bag held it all. If you go on a trip, you should have me pack for you. That could be like a job for me. The problem is before you came home, you wouldn't know how to shove everything back into your bag, so I would need to actually accompany you on your trip. But the good news is I am fun to travel with, and I bring thumbprint cookies.

-For some reason, every time you walk by Union Station, you will see Ernest Istook. Perhaps he panhandles there?

-The burning unanswered question- where do vets get the blood for transfusions for animals? Do dogs have to be typed like humans? If you know, please let me know.

*Has not been scientifically proven.

I would highly recommend when you travel, you have a Dr. as your traveling companion as I did. You learn all sorts of things. I now possess a vast knowledge of secret medical lingo, which I will not post on this blog, as I want to retain the knowledge for myself for when I try to impress others by pretending to be Dr. Robyn. Now, everything I learned about medicine is not solely from Grey's Anatomy.

After days of walking around in "Street Robyn" mode, it was hard to come back to the Bible Belt, where associates of the Pastor might see me, therefore making it unwise for me to shove people, drive aggressively or shout "HUMAN HERE" when someone gets in my way. I went 5 whole days without having to go anywhere near a Wal-Mart, only to come home and be subjected to the worlds worst and dumbest Wal-Mart Associate:

Me, in a hurry. Tired of being in stupid store with Jabberwocky chatting my head off and the Pastor texting me every few moments all while I'm trying to do budgetary math in my head and make sure I'm getting all the ingredients to make Giada De Laurentiis recipes. (BTW, Baked Caprese Salad - excellent!)

Checker, chatting to person in front of me about someone on some reality show about to be kicked off.

Me, completely exasperated.

Checker, finally done with other customer, scanning my items at a snail-like pace.

(The basket was too full for self-check out.)

Checker: "Which one of these kinds of bread is better?"

Me: "I don't know. I don't eat it." (Seriously, I don't.)

Checker: "Oh, I love that Lean Cuisine. They make a really good chicken blah blah blah. Have you had it?"

Me: "No, I don't eat meat."

From complete urban sophistication back to this. Clean-up on aisle five please.


C.A. said...

Seriously, do they have some "Are you dumb and annoying enough?" test for Walmart checkers? They are a plague in my world of "W" shopping. ACK! I try only to go after 10 p.m. or before 6 a.m. Then you don't have to "run the gauntlet of freaks" as my brother in law calls it. A weekend shopping trip to Walmart is the same as being in Hell, I'm convinced of it. Please inform the Pastor that it's not a world of firey flames etc., it's being in "Barb"'s line on a weekend. I am sure she is 80 years old, hair dyed a color not seen in nature, big thick glasses, paper thin, bruise covered old lady skin, moving at a snails pace at all times and in all places. GRRRRR.
Plus, my stylish attire and Prada bag is lost on all who enter...sigh.

I love your writing, Robyn! :) Keep up the good work!

Kate said...

What did I learn on the trip? As we were running to catch a flight we'd been bumped off of (due to the rat delay), I learned that Robyn runs the same way she did in elementary school.