munchausen by proximity

These stories would be hilarious.

If they were happening to someone else.*

*someone who is not me

Overslept, because I stayed up too late watching movie from the redbox (greatest invention EVER). Movie, Breach, was excellent, however was forced to watch preview for scary movie. I don't do scary movies. Before I could fast forward through the stupid preview, I found out there is this thing named Mary who has no children, only very scary dolls, and she'll rip your tongue out. Also, I am reading a book about this woman who was raised by crazy Munchausen-by-proxy mommy. The book is not scary, but it makes me THINK about "The Sixth Sense" movie, because THAT movie had a Munchausen-by-proxy mommy in it. "The Sixth Sense" is the scariest movie ever. Scary movies freak me out.

Anyway, I overslept. Kids are up, but have they taken their Miramax or had their fiber or had their breakfast? The cereal and yogurt I explained to them last night last thing before they went to bed they could have for breakfast? No, they have been up and haven't done any of these things even though just last night we had discussion that THESE ARE THE THINGS YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING.

Try to take kids to Harry Potter today. Trying to be fun step mommy who has good relationship with kids. But because kids weren't dressed and hadn't had their fiber and pooped, I'm stressed out before I even get out of the door.

I had a decision to make. Be late and stop for Starbucks, or don't stop for Starbucks and still have the potential to be late depending on line at movies. In the end, I was not late and I got my coffee, therefore the bright shiny spot in my day.

After movie, take children to noodle restaurant. All I want, please God, all I want is to take children to restaurant and not think that I have brought wild wolves with me.

While I am paying, yes in the time it takes me to swipe my card at register and sign the ticket, less than the time it took me to just type this sentence, one child convinces another child they must, absolutely must SMELL THE BOTTLE OF LOUISIANA HOT SAUCE. You know, the hot sauce that comes in the convenient squeeze bottle.

Yes, you are correct if you guessed the ending of this story involved the child accidentally getting hot sauce squirted up their nose.

Now I can see why Mary only had scary dolls and no children. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad movie after all.


Robin said...

The Sixth Sense scarred me. It was the only scary movie I had ever seen. Then, I got dragged to the Exact Same dolls movie you were just talking about to conquer my fear!

And it was just a silly movie. It cured me. Seriously.

Bootilicious said...

hey weight watcher ... glad you get some kind of enjoyment reading other people's diet diaries and binge fests. i guess if the worst thing i did today was down a load of bread, it's better than hot sauce up my nose ... or up the nose of an ankle-biter the general public knows belongs to me.

Kate said...

Since I was a good girl and had my fiber today, will you take me to a movie?

I promise I will shove popcorn up my nose to see if it comes out my ears. I hear all that stuff is connected!

Lala said...

Robyn... a BIT shocked to think that children of those ages wouldn't KNOW how to act in public... seriously... although... the hotsauce did bring back memories... I used it once on one of my children when they were younger... seems my oldest (when he was 3) picked up obsceneties from the neighborhood kids... yea... 3 little drops on the tounge and it NEVER happened again

At least you got your coffee!


Pinkstripe said...

Dr. Katy must've forgotten the time we were at Pizza Hut and she inhaled pepper from the pepper shaker. Who needs popcorn???