A list of all the things that prove I am a cake-o-holic:
1. My bum.
2. When I worked for a big company, there was some retirement party or something going on all the time that involved cake. I would not only go and get a piece, I'd also drag along some co-worker who didn't want or couldn't have a piece of cake because they were diabetic or on diet, and I'd make them get a piece of cake so I could have two.
3. I have perfected a system with the Pastor anytime we go to an event - I go to the dessert table and get two pieces of cake. "Oh I'll just get one for my husband because I'm such a sweet wife!" Then I will send the Pastor to the dessert table to do the same thing. That gives me four pieces.
4. I love weddings. It's not about two people binding their lives to one another. I could just care less. I go for one reason and one reason only. Cake. Good bakery cake with the really bad-for-you icing.
However, I went to a wedding once that was a total let-down. There was no cake, but "Love Knots" (think cinnamon rolls). Love Knots are NOT an adequate substitute for cake.
The last wedding I went to had some of the best wedding cake I've ever had. I had four pieces, but that really doesn't count, because those cake cutters always psychotically cut teeny-weeny pieces, and then at the end there's like half the cake left, which I always think is so stupid. (At my wedding, I got a huge cake and I cut giant pieces.) At the four piece wedding, I sent my step-children up to the cake table to retrieve extra pieces of cake for me. So not only am I consuming large quantities of cake, I am too lazy to actually get up and get it myself. For days after the wedding, I walked around mutterring "that was some good cake." I actually even thought about calling the newlyweds to see if I could raid the leftovers. I do have some pride though.
I'm sad about the fact that I reconnected with a girlfriend of mine AFTER her wedding to a dandy guy. She's got great taste, and I'm sure she had a fabulous cake at her wedding.
5. Even better than being invited to a wedding, is when the Pastor is asked to officiate. That makes me really happy, because then I get to eat cake and he gets a paycheck. What could be better?
6. I always ask for a corner piece.
7. I still have a shrine of my own wedding cake, preserved in a Tupperware container in my fridge. I'm not quite sure why, but it was really good cake and I can't bear to part with it. After 21 months of marriage, it doesnt even have anything growing on it. Cake must really be healthy huh? It doesn't even mold.
A list of all the things that prove I have a sad little life:
1. I've composed an entire blog entry about my love of cake.