Sky High

suffering from post-employment depression. I also seem to be going
through some post-marital, learning how to be a step-mother transitional
thingy. The Pastor just thinks I am nuts.

Every actual conversation at the Parsonage this past week has gone
something like this:

Me: sniff sniff sniff waaaaaaa boo hoo boo hoo waaaaaaaa sniff sniff
sniff waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Pastor: Why are you crying?????

Me: sniff sniff waaaaaaaaaaa

One day, I was enjoying a rare kid-free block of time and treated myself
to a pedicure. The Pastor very gently pointed out to me that a pedicure
was 5% of the total amount of one of the categories in our budget. Uh
oh. And I very gently pointed out to the Pastor that I had ONLY gotten
a pedicure and had not indulged in a manicure too. Hellllllo! The
Pastor is trying to help, he went out and bought me a new foot spa (I
had one before and wore it out) and a paraffin wax machine. Nathan
seems to enjoy dipping his hands in the wax.

So one of the days when we were having one of our conversations (see
above), the Pastor said "just go do what you want!!!... go do something
that makes you happy!"

To which I explained to my Pastor that when I go do something that makes
ME happy I go get a pedicure or a manicure or a facial or even a bikini
wax or shop or go to Starbucks and hang out and drink pricey coffee
beverages or go to a movie! AND I HAVE NEVER MADE CORNED BEEF IN A
CROCKPOT AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH WATER TO PUT IN IT!!! I don't know
what makes me happy and is free!!!!! In my world, fun costs about $30.
I am trying to figure this out. I am having to redefine how I spend my
free time and what it is that I like to do, again, that is free!!!

While I am trying to figure this out, I have been hanging around with
the kids, who are not always appreciative and thankful for the things a
step-mother does. For instance, the other day I made younger daughter a
giant soft pretzel with cinnamon and sugar. The younger daughter in the
past has enjoyed cinnamon sugar and has had no known aversion to
cinnamon sugar. She asked what was on the pretzel and I told her.
Right away she said she just wanted a pretzel with salt and didn't think
she was going to like the cinnamon sugar one. She tried a bite and you
could just TELL she thought it was delicious. But, she was not about to
admit it! So one of the things I have spent the most time doing,
cooking, someone complains about at every single eating opportunity.
And I am just a wee bit (vast understatement) sensitive about such
things right now.

I guess I could hang out with a friend...hmmmm, let me give someone a
call! Oh, but they all work! I'm sure they would be hugely sympathetic
about me not working and not knowing what to do.

I also feel incredibly disorganized about my calendar and to-do lists as
I don't have a real computer with internet access unless I go to the
Pastor's office. I've never NOT had a computer to organize my life. I
don't know that the Pastor gets how radically different my life is. He
is so sweet about allowing me to quit my job and have all this free
time, and doesn't understand that it's not that I'm not thankful and
it's not that I don't want to be at home. I just don't know what to
do.

So what's a girl to do? For now, I am at the movies. The problem has
been solved, for at least two hours. Hey, we are all just trying to
find our way.