he who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her

Miss Manners is guest-writing this post for me!

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Dear Miss Manners,

I have unresolved anger issues in my life. Was it OK for me to have posted a rude, anonymous comment on someone's blog? Here's my comment. ...
Anonymous said...
pretty bad, if I do say so myself. Style tip - you're thighs are too big to have your jeans tucked in with those boots.

Signed,
2angry

Dear Too Angry To Be Polite,

Sweetie, no! In life, it is always better to go with putting positive energy out into the Universe. Invest your resources into your own life. Clearly, this is not someone you should be picking on for weight issues. Are you crazy? This woman has a 26" waist and is wearing size six Old Navy Skinny jeans on her firm and toned physique. Miss Manners thinks it is only a shame we are unable to see her back side!

We can however see your jealousy! Take a minute and reflect upon your own life. Should you be throwing stones?

Also, you may want to think twice. Remember, these are not the simpler days of dropping a letter off at the Post Office. Nowadays, it is harder than ever to remain anonymous. Many people, for instance former fraud investigators, are able to research IP addresses where electronic communications come from!

Sincerely,
Miss Manners

not bad, if I do say so myself

Not bad at all.

Wouldn't we have the most beautiful blonde and blue-eyed babies?

Sigh.

But at least I have this pretty brooch!

I like playdough

It was a strange progression.

I had to buy playdough for the Pastor.

I happened to notice there was a picture of a dog on the playdough box. Easy! it said. If you can make a cone, a circle and a snake - you can make this dog!

Liar. But I didn't figure that out for about 2 hours.

If I couldn't make the stupid dog, I had to make something. Nate showed up and became totally transfixed with the playdough with me. I'm probably not supposed to divulge that information.

This is the result. Of course, once it started to harden and crack, we were extremely displeased. We haven't played with playdough since, but it's icy out and I'm stuck at home, so who knows.

lobster boy

This little boy perfectly summarizes every relationship I've ever had with a male:

Wow!

I would like to touch them.

I don't like to touch them.

No!

Its got claws.

Can I see them?

Yes!

What's in there?

Can I touch them?

Its got long legs.

I want to see them.

Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'?

Something for Big Papa.

See how pretty my eye makeup is.

I bribe little boys with cupcakes.

I'm like the Witch in Hansel and Gretel.

Speaking of cupcakes, they are back at Starbucks. For a limited time only. Time to clean out the deep freeze and make room! Some people use their deep freeze to store all the things they bought on sale with coupons they lovingly clipped to feed their families because they are good wives and mommies. I use mine for Girl Scout Cookies and Starbucks cupcakes.

Dear Michelle Obama,

Here's my J. Crew yellow color block sweater with rhinestone buttons.

I had it first.

a three hour tour, a three hour tour

Last night - three hour Board Meeting at the Church of the Homeless. I think I was maybe asked to be on the Board because I refused to help out in Children's Ministry? Please, I begged. I'll do anything. Just don't make me work with kids.

Now I know what happens to mean, crotchety Church Ladies who don't want to work with the tiny ones in God's Kingdom.

Tonight - I'm on hour three of Battle of the Bands listening to headbangers shout a song entitled "I know I'm a lunatic but let's cuddle." The things we do for our kids. This is clearly an example of why I shouldn't be in charge of children. But I'm not a completely terrible parent (even though I may have forgotten to feed him dinner last night). I did refuse to let him have a Dr. Pepper after midnight. I don't feel sorry for him. I haven't had one in four years.

As soon as I'm done here, it's home to cuddle with my lunatic

I'm so confused

Does this mean no eating?

Or no eating with silverware?

thankfully, I stockpiled

"Consumers urged to use caution eating peanut butter"

This better not affect whipped peanut butter again.

But for once in my life, I'm prepared.

For Y2K, I did nothing. But for a possible whipped peanut butter emergency, I am ready.

I'm sick of IHOP.

But the Pastor claims I have an "unnatural attachment" to Mexican food.

yes sir

The girl scout picture from my blog post yesterday has been censured.

I hate Thin Mints.

I'm on Team Samoas.

The Pastor wisely bought me a box of each kind of cookie, except Thin Mints. That is, after he called and asked what kind I wanted - to which I replied every single kind except the stupid, overrated Thin Mints. Its a good thing he called first because it turned out what I wanted was apparently the exact opposite of what he would have done.

Instead of Flower Friday, I guess this was Cookie Friday. I'm happy to take a bouquet of cookies any day.

Its for a good cause, right? Girl Scouts are out there doing all kinds of good in the world, aren't they?

escape to Egypt

The Pastor did just fine at "Christmas."

Of course, my special day had to be rescheduled because he double-booked himself on January 6. I'm sure Jesus wouldn't have tolerated this from the Magi, but I'm more flexible.

Instead of gold, frankincense and myrrh I got Cheever's, Coach and Miss Dior Cherie. Unlike the baby Jesus, I wasn't surprised. I picked it all out, and he paid.

The Pastor's sermon on the Magi (yes, I've heard it a time or two - I could probably preach it myself) goes something like this: "The wrong people from the wrong place had the wrong information but they came to do the right thing, worship."

Even though Jesus didn't have to ask anyone to hand over his Discover card, the Pastor got the gist of it.

But weren't the Magi warned in a dream to return home a different way? OK, so maybe I only remember part of his sermon. But I got the gist of it! I'll be sure to be on the lookout for any mysterious dreams the Pastor has over the next few weeks to conveniently disappear right around Valentine's Day.

you better bring it

The dry spell is o-v-e-r.

I'll show you who can blog.

Its on.