happy one year anniversary

how to have the perfect one year anniversary
1. get your hair done
2. go to Victoria's Secret

On the way to dinner at nice, expensive Japanese restaurant, the Pastor's phone rings. It's Discover Card. Wanting to make sure he is aware that the charge card was used for two large purchases... at a hair salon and at Victoria's Secret. Is he aware of these charges???

Thanks for ratting me out Discover Card!

Is this some kind of special cardmember service the Pastor subscribes to? One of those optional plans they are always trying to sell you? For $2 a month, he can receive a informative phone call letting him know when and where his wife has used the card?

The thing that makes me the most angry is that I've been gender profiled. This is discrimination! Just because charges are at a hair salon and a retail store, then somebody must be up to no good, huh? I oughta sue.

That was part one of our anniversary celebration. We went out and had a very nice dinner, without the children, and tried very hard not to talk about or think about the children. Then, on our actual anniversary, we were in Dallas and had a strange, progressive dinner with the children.

There was a method to our madness. It went something like this. We heard of this magic-themed restaurant, that was supposedly kid-friendly with good food for adults too. That sounded like a plan, so we went. Only the restaurant was totally cheesy. We stayed for one of the magic shows, which cost $3 a person (total rip-off!) at which point I told the Pastor this was NOT where I wanted to spend my anniversary meal. It was already kind of late for us to be eating dinner (our meal times are comparable to those of senior citizens)and decided to go to the next restaurant we passed once we got in the car, which happened to be my beloved "On the Border." There was a wait, and the Pastor manages to score some tortillas and kiddie drinks for the children who are practically on the verge of emaciation as it has been more than 4 hours since they have eaten. While we are waiting, I look across the street and notice "The Melting Pot", which is a fondue restaurant. So we decided to GO THERE. There was a wait at that restaurant too, but we managed to live through it.

Seriously, it was one of the best meals I have ever eaten in my entire life. I was kind of afraid of having hungry, tired chldren flinging flaming hot fondue across the table, but we managed to have a lovely, disaster free meal.

Oh, one more thing. From my style file. A fashion tip. Since I've started running in Nazarene circles, I've noticed a rather unattractive trend I feel I must do something about. I've been to several events where I have seen nice Nazarene women trying to wear a revealing dress, in a non-revealing way. Like there will be a low cut neckline or a key-hole cut-out, and they'll fashion a swatch of fabric so an extra piece of skin won't be revealed. Please, please heed my advice. You cannot un-hoochify a dress. If you try on a dress, and it shows a bit more than you want it to, then it is not the right dress for you. Find another. If you think the dress would be perfect if only this piece of flesh didn't show, and perhaps you can somehow cover it up, it is not the right dress for you. Don't buy it. Dresses are not like people, there is no salvation. You cannot take a slutty dress and redeem it. Please don't try.

That's the end of my public service announcement. Thank you very much.