very kitten with a whip

nobody loves me
everybody hates me
I'm gonna go eat worms

PROOF

She cut her clothes! With scissors!

Remember when I took Loretta shopping? Remember how painful it was? Remember how it was HOURS OF MY LIFE I WILL NEVER GET BACK?

I wanted her to have cute clothes to wear! I let her pick out the Hello Kitty clothes! Whatever you want Loretta! The Pastor said why did you do that, the kids are basically ungrateful and do not deserve your kindness and generosity, you dear sweet woman. OK, I'm embellishing a bit. But he said something like that, and I responded yes, they may be ungrateful, but I want them to at least look nice when they're with me!

Anyway, back to the story, the Hello Kitty pants and shirt had tags sewn on them. Not the tags that come on clothes when you buy them, but little fabric decorative tags that said "Hello Kitty" and had Hello Kitty's sweet little face on them. When Loretta tried her clothes on, I had a discussion with her about tags and how we don't cut the tags off of something until we are sure we are going to keep it. She said what about these tags? I told her THOSE tags are decorative. We don’t cut those off.

Can you guess what happened next?

She goes to school the next day and uses her dull-edged school scissors to saw away the tags I told her not to remove. Let me tell you, Hello Kitty does not have nine lives.

I tried to have a conversation with her about WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY would you do such a thing? Thinking maybe she had been embarrassed by the tags or had some really good reason for flagrantly disobeying me. However, the conversation only resulted in my blood pressure elevating even higher when it went something like this:

Well Loretta if the tags were bothering you, why didn’t you just wait til you got home and talk to me or your dad about it?

Response: Welllll, I don’t know where our scissors are at home.

MORE PROOF

I have an unlimited budget at Frederick’s of Hollywood and Victoria’s Secret. I can spend as much money as I want at those stores, and I am not considered to be in violation of our budget.

I made my monthly trip to VS this week. I bought the loveliest pair of pretty panties. (Sorry, CLF. I know you hate that word.) Night number one, the Pastor told me not to bother with the pretty knickers. Night number two, same thing. Night number three, I take it upon myself to dress in my new undies. I feel so cute and sassy. The Pastor walks into the bedroom while I am blow-drying my hair, and sees me in my new undergarments. His reaction?

“Honey, do you know where a screwdriver is”?

Then he doesn’t even wait for me to answer, grabs something off his dresser and walks out of the room.