Items needed in order to cope/recover/heal from purse altercation:
1. Margaritas.
2. Nicotine.
3. Prozac/Xanax/Zoloft... any variation of a prescription happy pill.
4. Good chocolate, the non-halloween-candy variety. Belgian chocolate.
Truffles. Godiva.
5. Small asian person with highly skilled massage technique,
manicure/pedicure implements, spa pedicure whirlpool chair and an
inability to converse with me in English.
6. Starbucks venti no water nonfat chai tea latte
with whip.
7. White House Black Market catalog AND a credit card.
8. New purse.
9. Boob job. Why not, as long as I'm throwing stuff out there?
Items available at Parsonage, and within budget:
1. Halloween candy.
2. Assortment of bibles, some in Hebrew, some in English.
3. About 50 bottles of assorted color nail polish.
4. New I-Pod, which allows you to turn up the volume to such a level
that you are unable to hear the high-pitched voices of small children or
the annoying yappy little weiner dog inhumanely chained up across the
street. (I'm coning to set you free Fido. Run Fido, run!!!)
5. Giant bean bag chair with an indentation in the middle of it which
conveniently happens to be the same size as my bottom.
6. Dozen long-stem yellow roses. The Pastor brought these home for me
today. He is a smart man, but you already knew that since he can read
the bible in Hebrew.
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1 comment:
Can definitely relate to yappy dog across the street. Only these are my neighbors behind me who seem to constantly forget to quit playing their music super loud at hours between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m. GRRRR....How bout I help you free Fido and then you can get my neighbors evicted?
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