too tired to title

Make a to-do list. Check!

Clean house. Check!

Pack. Check!

Give away all the produce that's left in the fridge. Check!

Unplug the microwave. Check!

Train as though you will be competing in the Ironman Triathalon and completing Army basic training in the same week.

Oops!

I'm glad it's "vacation."

After a couple of weeks of "vacation" with the Pastor, I'm exhausted. My calves are sore. I work out a lot lot lot lot lot. Do you have any idea what it takes to make my calves sore? Eighty-two kazillion steps in 90 degree heat (while wearing a J. Crew dress).

He just said we'll go to the beach tomorrow. We'll sit there and do nothing. Then he clicked out of the page he was on (the one with the beach) and the page that was left open on his screen showed the trail he was thinking of hiking.

Correction. It showed the trail he was thinking of making me hike. And yes, I'm planning on wearing a dress tomorrow.

I'm too tired to think of a clever ending here.

cracking up

The Pastor preached today and we took Communion at the end of the service with Matzah bread (crackers) and grape Crystal Light.

After church the Pastor and I helped a woman who, let's say, was high on life. We were tipped off to this by her demeanor on the front pew and her walking in and out of the service approximately 82 times. One of the times she came back in her hair was soaking wet. She had put her head in the sink (let's hope). Was she hot? Did she baptize herself? I don't know.

When we were helping this lady out, she explained she had just gotten out of rehab and was feeling sick. The Pastor expressed his concern for her nausea. She said, "It's okay now, those crackers helped."

Later the Pastor told me now we have proof of the "saving efficacy" of Communion. I believe the Pastor is that much closer to becoming a televangelist.

no animals, Pastor, Camper Barbie or voodoo dolls were harmed in the making of this film

OK, the Pastor may have hurt just a little at the Coach store.

After we survived the camping, the Pastor and I got re-married at Voodoo Doughnuts. I was much more prepared this time with the vows.

I've never been a big fan of the natural look.

Nothing like a few hundred camping pictures to make a girl feel like she needs plastic surgery.

Ritz Carlton

Even though I spend hours a day in my bathroom at home, the Pastor doesn't seem to understand why I don't wake up beautiful at the campsite.

Can't you even try for this picture? ??? was one of the comments. Uhhhhh, no I can't. I realize you are a man and you look the same when you wake up as you do when you go to bed and all the moments in between, but I haven't showered. I haven't washed my hair in three days, and while Jesus was able to rise from the dead after three days, I am unable to make myself look any better.

On this trip I have received further proof that God is a woman.

After days of being a good little camper and sleeping in a sleeping bag in a tent, we went to the next campground. We were hoping for a YURT but the Ranger (God's Angel) rewarded me with a deluxe cabin he'd just had a last minute cancellation on - the Ritz Carlton of all camping. Come to find out, the cabin has such amenities as running water, a toilet, a hot shower and most importantly - it's completely adorable.

campfire girl

Robyn's animal sightings:
-bunnies
-raccoon
-sea lions
-sea monster
-butterfly

Thankfully I have not seen any bears.

And the Pastor, who is by far the most impatient person I know, turns out he will spend all the time it takes to toast a marshmallow. I didn't know people did this. I was raised differently - I only knew one way to toast a marshmallow - set it on fire.

it's always something

Camping.

Yes, camping.

In the German forest, there were black lizards.

In Costa Rica, more lizards and snakes.

The Oregon Coast?

Slugs.

Not teeny tiny slugs. Slugs the size of human appendages, with giant human-seeking tentacles. I'm sure they are coming after me.

And the Pastor? He can't be happy that I'm sleeping in a tent on the ground in a sleeping bag and why not jog up this giant sand dune while you are at it!!!

Nope, he wants me to hike up slug lane too.

I have on my Tom's. They are thin-soled, and I wonder how it's going to feel when I squish one. I don't have on socks and I envision slug juice will soil my ankles.

You do not have to worry about such things on the treadmill.

Luckily, he just preached on forgivesness.