how to make coffee in 26 easy steps

1. Wake up. Where am I? Oh, I'm at home.

2. Think about going to Starbucks. No! How long has it been since I've had coffee at home? When was the last time I was at home???

3. No milk. After all, I haven't been at home. Throw on Victoria's Secret PINK hoodie, jeans and flip-flops.

4. Drive to store, secretly praying no one will see me in hoodie, jeans, bed head and last night's eye makeup. All the while, texting BFF.

5. Oh look - Easter candy 75% off! Limited edition!!! Mountain Dew for the Pastor!

6. Now what did I come to the store for?

7. Oh yes, milk! Get milk.

8. Those Easter Nerds Ropes were only 12 cents? They are practically giving them to me! Should I buy more?

9. Drive home.

10. Put coffee and water in coffee machine.

11. Wait, my steamer isn't working. How am I supposed to steam the milk?

12. Maybe the steamer is clogged. Get out vinegar to un-clog steaming apparatus.

13. Nope, doesn't work.

14. Spill vinegar all over the place.

15. Clean up. Vinegar smell reminds me I didn't dye Easter eggs with the kids. Feel guilty.

16. Take deep breath.

17. Its okay. I have a back-up coffee machine. Get out back-up coffee machine and its 82-page instruction booklet.

18. Think about waking up 12-year old to help decipher instruction booklet.

19. Pour water into machine.

20. Water immediately comes out of bottom of machine, all over freshly-clean-from-vinegar-spill counter.

21. Realize that is why I was able to purchase coffee machine #2 at such a fantastic price.

22. Clean up apocalypse from coffee maker #2.

23. Get in shower.

24. Get dressed.

25. Blog about coffee disaster.

26. Go to Starbucks.


realolivegreen said...

this absolutely made my day. i'm sorry it probably wasn't the best start to yours, but i can certainly identify with similar mornings. :)

DG said...

Hum. Did you find any leftover Cadbury Mini Eggs on sale? I ran to Target the DAY AFTER EASTER, and they were all gone!!! Talk about depressing. Of course, I've already eaten 10 bags of them, and that is not an exaggeration. Sadly.