What's white and black and red all over?

I'm so excited! I'm so happy!

What, you ask, could I possibly be so deliriously happy about?

Do you remember last fall? Do you remember how everything was brown and - ugh - TEAL??????

This year we have red and black and cream and animal prints and pointy shoes and patent leather and lace!!! Did you see Vogue? Did you see that RED is the new black?

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for fall fashion involving such pretty things and colors - and no teal. I hated teal.

I'm so excited I could wet myself, except I wouldn't want to ruin any of my stylish new fall clothes.

One thing I will not be getting excited about - the one look I can promise you I WON'T be sporting is leggings.

I live in the Midwest. Obesity is a huge problem here, no pun intended. There's a whole population of people who already can't or won't get away from stretchy pants. Leggings are simply not a good idea.

Besides, I already rocked that look, WHEN IT WAS POPULAR THE FIRST TIME. Yes, and I even worked at the Limited then. Back in the day. "Big over Slim" was the technical phrase for it. Oh, also, I am not fifteen years old. Yes, I know, when has that ever stopped me from wearing inappropriate clothing? But I will not be a slave to this fashion trend.

Nope, no leggings for me, I don't care how much time I've been spending on the treadmill.