7.27.2008

Journey to the Center of Stupidity

You are welcome. I saw this movie, and now you don't have to! Send me the $10 and save two hours of your life if you like.

I like Brendan Fraser. Adorable! In fact, the name "Brendan Fraser (insert Nate's last name here)" made the short list of baby names when I was pregnant about a million years ago.

First of all, I live in a city that's not important enough to get the movie in 3D. We got it in 2D. Of course this was confusing to the kids that we were going to see a 2D movie. What's that? Uhhhh, it's just a normal movie. It was totally obvious where the cheesy 3D effects would have been. Oh look, a yo-yo. Birds flying. Dandelions being blown. Fish jumping out of the water. But even funny glasses wouldn't have saved this one.

C'mon! They journey to the center of the Earth. There are polarity issues - North is South and South is North. Huh? They are in a magnetic field. They are in a middle Earth ocean being attacked by flying fish. There are dinosaurs.

And what happens? A cell phone rings! Someone has somehow installed a cell phone tower, and the dinosaurs haven't toppled it over! I wonder which cell phone company claims middle Earth on their coverage map?

I can suspend reality on a lot of things, but cell phone coverage is not one of them. I can drive two miles from my house, and there's a black hole for cell phone coverage. Every time I have driven through that intersection while on any phone, the call drops. But maybe that's because I live in a city that isn't even special enough for 3D.

Oh, and that whole polarity thing, that's just weird. I'm so bad with directions I wonder if things would finally make sense if I traveled to the center of the Earth.

But who knows. Maybe I'm just writing a bad movie review because I'm cranky from the low-fat diet. I just had a yummy dinner of fat-free plain yogurt, banana and kiwi. Beats another gallbladder attack. And this movie.

2 comments:

realolivegreen said...

i love your review! i wasn't planning on seeing the movie, but now i'm definitely not! :)

Pinkstripe said...

your angel's wings look like lobster claws.