see how teeny I am
Its partially an optical illusion because the sundaes are so big
dont worry, I didn't eat it all
9.11.2008
double dip
see how teeny I am
Its partially an optical illusion because the sundaes are so big
dont worry, I didn't eat it all
never ever ever
let a man so susceptible to informercials and commercials roam free at the State Fair
he will buy gadgets
but look at how happy he is
You know why he's happy?
He didn't wear heels to the State Fair and he won't have to exercise for two hours tomorrow to make up for all the junk he ate.
in my defense
the tights looked perfectly respectable and in style with the outfit as a whole
but I must admit, sitting on a bale of hay, this is pretty interesting State Fair attire
I'm pretty sure I was the only person at the State Fair with heels on.
9.09.2008
the way I see it
the cup says:
The Way I See It #275
When I wake up in the morning,
I want to know that my family,
friends and fans know what I
believe in and what I'm all about.
That's what should be important.
---------------------
If I made a cup, it would say:
The Way I See It
When I wake up in the morning,
I don't know my name, my family,
friends, what I believe in
and what I'm all about.
That's why coffee is important.
---------------------
I don't really care about the cup. I just wanted you to see my dark and lovely nail polish. OPI "You don't know Jacques" from the Paris collection. You and I both know the nail polish color name is as important as the nail polish itself.
Italian Wedding Cake
This dessert really looks like a hot mess. This isn't what I wish I had a picture of. Better pictures to have would include:
1. Picture of the look I must have given the Pastor when he told the waitress we wanted the check and didn't want dessert. Of course the waitress raced off before he could rectify the situation.
2. Picture of the Pastor running across the restaurant after I gave him the look to retrieve the waitress and a dessert.
shoes so fantastic they got their own email
These are my Monday shoes.
This is the email they got:
"Those shoes you had on today were great! You are ALWAYS so stylish!"
blue Monday
I was almost a respectable Pastor's wife. Except for my nearly black nail polish and my showing shoulders. So close.
Sunday
The Pastor preached on Cain & Abel. Fratricide. Blah blah blah. You know the story. What you don't know is what I wore. BCBG kimono dress. And these fabulous silver snake-y sandals. And my white and black pearls. Red patent Coach for a pop of color which was my "get well soon" present from the Pastor.
Perhaps a bit over the top for the Church of the Homeless and Addicted, but my Grandma would have been proud.
its times like this
When I can actually think a teeny tiny part of him looks like me. Unfortunately, it's only the part holding the dessert plate.
9.07.2008
saith the Pastor
"I don't understand why you are huffy with me just because I was unkind to you today."
Go figure.
Then he probably will also not understand that Discover card transaction at J Crew.
His Ph.D. wasn't in women's studies.
Go figure.
Then he probably will also not understand that Discover card transaction at J Crew.
His Ph.D. wasn't in women's studies.
9.01.2008
Exodus 9
In bed.
Apparently, I am competing with Exodus 9 tonight.
Guess I should look that one up. Must be one heck of a Biblical Text chapter.
Apparently, I am competing with Exodus 9 tonight.
Guess I should look that one up. Must be one heck of a Biblical Text chapter.
8.27.2008
Holly and the threesome
The Pastor Professor's first day of school was today. When he asked his students to say something they learned this summer, a newlywed remarked she had learned she could maybe, probably live with a boy.
Later this afternoon, I stopped by the Pastor Professor's new office, which he considers to be some sort of holy shrine. He wants you to take your shoes off before you enter. He won't let you set a large Pepsi icee on his desk. He asked me if I had any idea how tranquil and peaceful it felt to have your space so organized.
As a matter of fact, I recall such a feeling. It was about four weeks ago, when he was in Israel and there was not a speck out of place in my home. But strangely - mysteriously - over the past few weeks, piles of books, clothes, Mountain Dew cans and miscellaneous debris have slowly accumulated, blocking out my peace and tranquility.
But back to his office. Is there a picture of Robyn by herself? No. Are there only pictures of Robyn with the Pastor? Yes. Are there any big pictures of Robyn? No. Aren't I as proportionally important as that frame holding his Ph.D.?
But HOLLY has a picture by herself. HOLLY, some high school girlfriend. HOLLY, who's picture turned up when it mysteriously fell out of some old book he was allegedly discarding. He'd put HOLLY'S found picture out to see if I'd notice. I did. And I thought I was the Pastor's first blonde love after Smurfette.
As I leave his office to go home, I get a text message that says "move out" - what? What's up with that? Turns out he was sending a rather long text message to someone else and he forwarded it to me, so I'd know what was going on, but the message came to me in two parts. Out of order I had received the tail end of the message.
Then I had the pleasure of calling Satan's Minion's working at the cable company. God forbid - me, the lady of the house, might have a question about her husband's affairs. Shouldn't I be making dinner or vacuuming? It was beyond comprehension for multiple cable company employees that I might have a different last name as my husband. I'm the one who set up the account! Believe me, the Pastor would never have authorized a DVR! Don't you people know how lucky you are? One of the employees actually told me maybe, probably I should have changed my name to his to avoid confusion. I ended up three-waying the conversation, calling the Pastor who had to give me permission to talk about our account. So much for feeling like the empowered, modern woman who kept her name and identity. But I did get a credit on our account.
Some people may have figured out they can maybe, probably live with a boy. Me, I'm not so sure. The DVR box is easier to figure out.
Later this afternoon, I stopped by the Pastor Professor's new office, which he considers to be some sort of holy shrine. He wants you to take your shoes off before you enter. He won't let you set a large Pepsi icee on his desk. He asked me if I had any idea how tranquil and peaceful it felt to have your space so organized.
As a matter of fact, I recall such a feeling. It was about four weeks ago, when he was in Israel and there was not a speck out of place in my home. But strangely - mysteriously - over the past few weeks, piles of books, clothes, Mountain Dew cans and miscellaneous debris have slowly accumulated, blocking out my peace and tranquility.
But back to his office. Is there a picture of Robyn by herself? No. Are there only pictures of Robyn with the Pastor? Yes. Are there any big pictures of Robyn? No. Aren't I as proportionally important as that frame holding his Ph.D.?
But HOLLY has a picture by herself. HOLLY, some high school girlfriend. HOLLY, who's picture turned up when it mysteriously fell out of some old book he was allegedly discarding. He'd put HOLLY'S found picture out to see if I'd notice. I did. And I thought I was the Pastor's first blonde love after Smurfette.
As I leave his office to go home, I get a text message that says "move out" - what? What's up with that? Turns out he was sending a rather long text message to someone else and he forwarded it to me, so I'd know what was going on, but the message came to me in two parts. Out of order I had received the tail end of the message.
Then I had the pleasure of calling Satan's Minion's working at the cable company. God forbid - me, the lady of the house, might have a question about her husband's affairs. Shouldn't I be making dinner or vacuuming? It was beyond comprehension for multiple cable company employees that I might have a different last name as my husband. I'm the one who set up the account! Believe me, the Pastor would never have authorized a DVR! Don't you people know how lucky you are? One of the employees actually told me maybe, probably I should have changed my name to his to avoid confusion. I ended up three-waying the conversation, calling the Pastor who had to give me permission to talk about our account. So much for feeling like the empowered, modern woman who kept her name and identity. But I did get a credit on our account.
Some people may have figured out they can maybe, probably live with a boy. Me, I'm not so sure. The DVR box is easier to figure out.
8.21.2008
Mom, here's how my hair turned out.
I had the picture taken from the back because
(1) after surgery, my face too closely resembles the one in my painting. : ( Ugh.
(2) the hair turned out fabulous.
giant carrot cake
That's what it says on the receipt.
$10, btw.
Totally worth it.
Don't worry, I shared.
cute casual day outfit
Nine West silk top
Limited jeans
Isaac Mizrahi black patent flats
also carried giant red handbag
I have decided
to start taking pictures of some of my cute things, for all the world to see.
Bandolino Gray Pumps. Aren't they pretty?
No more wire hangers!
What's that? Something from your gallbladder surgery? Nope. Picture I took a few weeks ago after 75% off sale at Macy's. Wire hangers are bad.
8.14.2008
I just couldn't be happier
Everyone at my house is miserable.
Except me.
Back to school! Off they go!
I can't tell you how warm and fuzzy I feel inside. I have a stack of ten library books, a Vogue and new fall makeup to play with.
Except me.
Back to school! Off they go!
I can't tell you how warm and fuzzy I feel inside. I have a stack of ten library books, a Vogue and new fall makeup to play with.
8.13.2008
look! new!
my new maxandcleo dress
my old lady pearls I got at an old lady's garage sale
my old Nine West pumps
my old robin egg blue chair with room for two
my old Pastor
and my new painting
8.09.2008
roulette
Can you tell?
Is it a boy?
Is it a girl?
I have something growing inside me!
Its 1.6 centimeters, which isn't terribly large, but apparently when you have something roughly the size of a thumbnail on something roughly the size of a kiwi its a big deal.
Congratulations! It's gallstones, but it's not unlike being pregnant. The biggest one is like an alien growing inside me. I got to have an ultrasound. Its a gamble every time I eat something - maybe things will work out, or maybe it will be barf-tastic.
I'm not a gambler. I was raised in one of those houses where cards were of the Devil. I don't even know how to play Solitaire. (I just had to Google how to spell Solitaire because I didn't even know how to spell it.) So I'm going to let modern medicine handle this one.
Unlike the Pastor who is being completely psychotic about a mole on the back of his leg. Foregoing Western Medicine, and not asking Jesus to heal him, he is trying to rid himself of this mole. With wart remover. Only due to the God-given placement of the mole, he cannot reach it himself, hence the flaw in his cure.
He has to rely on me.
He'd be better off asking Jesus.
The daily mole healing involves him barking at me, much like a neurosurgeon scolding a nurse, except his is admonishing me on how to properly apply a band-aid he has, I promise you, punched a hole out of with my hole puncher, and apply Dr. Scholl's wart remover. Don't some moles turn out to be skin cancer? Am I wrong here? Is it safe to treat something that could someday in the teeniest tiniest realm of possibility turn out to be cancer with anything made by Dr. Scholl's, the same brand name that's on my Paul Frank shoes?
I know what this is all about. I've seen this type of male behavior before. Men are prone to this sort of thing. The Pastor is very competitive and I'm sure at some level he had to find something to make a big deal about - his mole - in order to compete with my gallstones.
But I don't care. I have fantastic news! The numbers I've been seeing on the scale. Completely opposite of pregnancy. What's a little acute abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting when you can be really thin? My clothes have never fit better. But maybe the weight loss isn't gallbladder related. Maybe its just the stress of the Pastor coming home, his little piles of stuff all over the house (which I'm sure if a neurosurgeon could look into his brain would tell me he has little piles of chaos going on in there to match) and the stress of having to deal with his mole.
Wish me luck. With the mole, that is. I'm sure my surgery will be a piece of cake. The kind I can temporarily not eat.
Is it a boy?
Is it a girl?
I have something growing inside me!
Its 1.6 centimeters, which isn't terribly large, but apparently when you have something roughly the size of a thumbnail on something roughly the size of a kiwi its a big deal.
Congratulations! It's gallstones, but it's not unlike being pregnant. The biggest one is like an alien growing inside me. I got to have an ultrasound. Its a gamble every time I eat something - maybe things will work out, or maybe it will be barf-tastic.
I'm not a gambler. I was raised in one of those houses where cards were of the Devil. I don't even know how to play Solitaire. (I just had to Google how to spell Solitaire because I didn't even know how to spell it.) So I'm going to let modern medicine handle this one.
Unlike the Pastor who is being completely psychotic about a mole on the back of his leg. Foregoing Western Medicine, and not asking Jesus to heal him, he is trying to rid himself of this mole. With wart remover. Only due to the God-given placement of the mole, he cannot reach it himself, hence the flaw in his cure.
He has to rely on me.
He'd be better off asking Jesus.
The daily mole healing involves him barking at me, much like a neurosurgeon scolding a nurse, except his is admonishing me on how to properly apply a band-aid he has, I promise you, punched a hole out of with my hole puncher, and apply Dr. Scholl's wart remover. Don't some moles turn out to be skin cancer? Am I wrong here? Is it safe to treat something that could someday in the teeniest tiniest realm of possibility turn out to be cancer with anything made by Dr. Scholl's, the same brand name that's on my Paul Frank shoes?
I know what this is all about. I've seen this type of male behavior before. Men are prone to this sort of thing. The Pastor is very competitive and I'm sure at some level he had to find something to make a big deal about - his mole - in order to compete with my gallstones.
But I don't care. I have fantastic news! The numbers I've been seeing on the scale. Completely opposite of pregnancy. What's a little acute abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting when you can be really thin? My clothes have never fit better. But maybe the weight loss isn't gallbladder related. Maybe its just the stress of the Pastor coming home, his little piles of stuff all over the house (which I'm sure if a neurosurgeon could look into his brain would tell me he has little piles of chaos going on in there to match) and the stress of having to deal with his mole.
Wish me luck. With the mole, that is. I'm sure my surgery will be a piece of cake. The kind I can temporarily not eat.
7.27.2008
Journey to the Center of Stupidity
You are welcome. I saw this movie, and now you don't have to! Send me the $10 and save two hours of your life if you like.
I like Brendan Fraser. Adorable! In fact, the name "Brendan Fraser (insert Nate's last name here)" made the short list of baby names when I was pregnant about a million years ago.
First of all, I live in a city that's not important enough to get the movie in 3D. We got it in 2D. Of course this was confusing to the kids that we were going to see a 2D movie. What's that? Uhhhh, it's just a normal movie. It was totally obvious where the cheesy 3D effects would have been. Oh look, a yo-yo. Birds flying. Dandelions being blown. Fish jumping out of the water. But even funny glasses wouldn't have saved this one.
C'mon! They journey to the center of the Earth. There are polarity issues - North is South and South is North. Huh? They are in a magnetic field. They are in a middle Earth ocean being attacked by flying fish. There are dinosaurs.
And what happens? A cell phone rings! Someone has somehow installed a cell phone tower, and the dinosaurs haven't toppled it over! I wonder which cell phone company claims middle Earth on their coverage map?
I can suspend reality on a lot of things, but cell phone coverage is not one of them. I can drive two miles from my house, and there's a black hole for cell phone coverage. Every time I have driven through that intersection while on any phone, the call drops. But maybe that's because I live in a city that isn't even special enough for 3D.
Oh, and that whole polarity thing, that's just weird. I'm so bad with directions I wonder if things would finally make sense if I traveled to the center of the Earth.
But who knows. Maybe I'm just writing a bad movie review because I'm cranky from the low-fat diet. I just had a yummy dinner of fat-free plain yogurt, banana and kiwi. Beats another gallbladder attack. And this movie.
I like Brendan Fraser. Adorable! In fact, the name "Brendan Fraser (insert Nate's last name here)" made the short list of baby names when I was pregnant about a million years ago.
First of all, I live in a city that's not important enough to get the movie in 3D. We got it in 2D. Of course this was confusing to the kids that we were going to see a 2D movie. What's that? Uhhhh, it's just a normal movie. It was totally obvious where the cheesy 3D effects would have been. Oh look, a yo-yo. Birds flying. Dandelions being blown. Fish jumping out of the water. But even funny glasses wouldn't have saved this one.
C'mon! They journey to the center of the Earth. There are polarity issues - North is South and South is North. Huh? They are in a magnetic field. They are in a middle Earth ocean being attacked by flying fish. There are dinosaurs.
And what happens? A cell phone rings! Someone has somehow installed a cell phone tower, and the dinosaurs haven't toppled it over! I wonder which cell phone company claims middle Earth on their coverage map?
I can suspend reality on a lot of things, but cell phone coverage is not one of them. I can drive two miles from my house, and there's a black hole for cell phone coverage. Every time I have driven through that intersection while on any phone, the call drops. But maybe that's because I live in a city that isn't even special enough for 3D.
Oh, and that whole polarity thing, that's just weird. I'm so bad with directions I wonder if things would finally make sense if I traveled to the center of the Earth.
But who knows. Maybe I'm just writing a bad movie review because I'm cranky from the low-fat diet. I just had a yummy dinner of fat-free plain yogurt, banana and kiwi. Beats another gallbladder attack. And this movie.
7.25.2008
What happens in Vegas
stays in your gallbladder and clogs it up in a very bad way.
Are you really surprised? Did you see what I had to eat? Can you imagine what I ate that I was too embarrassed to photograph? And you thought the worst thing I did was outlet mall shop.
The funny thing is, it hasn't bothered me to eat chips and salsa, french fries, burritos, cheese, etc. What has set me off? Things like cucumbers. Broccoli. Pecans.
You know I was sick. This is how you know. I did something I have never ever ever done. I had to miss a hair appointment. You don't mess with the hairdresser. Looks like someone is going to get an extra big tip and a Dr. Pepper for the reschedule.
The doctors suggestion? Perhaps you could eat some shredded wheat with no milk for breakfast. Wow! What a fantastic idea! Wait a minute, that's what I already eat for breakfast! Exactly 25 squares, while the Pastor gets to eat things like 5 Eggs Benedict. Or leftover bar-b-q. I don't eat meat, pork, chicken, onions and about a million other things. I hardly have any dairy. OK, I blew it in Vegas and I am obviously being punished.
What a better excuse to sit around and watch the E! True Hollywood Story on Britney Spears. And I wanted to lose few pounds anyway.
The absolute worst thing about having to make an emergency visit to the hospital? The Pastor gone and all those cute firefighters in my immaculate house, and me flat on the bathroom tile (thank you, cleaning lady) in the Pastor's Duke University t-shirt with throw-up in my hair already sporting unsightly roots.
I. could. have. died. right. then. and. there.
Are you really surprised? Did you see what I had to eat? Can you imagine what I ate that I was too embarrassed to photograph? And you thought the worst thing I did was outlet mall shop.
The funny thing is, it hasn't bothered me to eat chips and salsa, french fries, burritos, cheese, etc. What has set me off? Things like cucumbers. Broccoli. Pecans.
You know I was sick. This is how you know. I did something I have never ever ever done. I had to miss a hair appointment. You don't mess with the hairdresser. Looks like someone is going to get an extra big tip and a Dr. Pepper for the reschedule.
The doctors suggestion? Perhaps you could eat some shredded wheat with no milk for breakfast. Wow! What a fantastic idea! Wait a minute, that's what I already eat for breakfast! Exactly 25 squares, while the Pastor gets to eat things like 5 Eggs Benedict. Or leftover bar-b-q. I don't eat meat, pork, chicken, onions and about a million other things. I hardly have any dairy. OK, I blew it in Vegas and I am obviously being punished.
What a better excuse to sit around and watch the E! True Hollywood Story on Britney Spears. And I wanted to lose few pounds anyway.
The absolute worst thing about having to make an emergency visit to the hospital? The Pastor gone and all those cute firefighters in my immaculate house, and me flat on the bathroom tile (thank you, cleaning lady) in the Pastor's Duke University t-shirt with throw-up in my hair already sporting unsightly roots.
I. could. have. died. right. then. and. there.
7.23.2008
start spreading the news
While the Pastor is teaching Bible in Jerusalem, I took Nate for a mom/son va-ca to Las Vegas.
1. Sin City. It is a sin to eat that much food. Am now thinking there must be some ministerial/missionary opportunity there. Take all the hungry people to Las Vegas? They've got plenty of food there.
2. If you don't see me in many of the pictures, its because I didn't want to be photographed eating that much.
3. I didn't get picked for The Price is Right. Nate was so disappointed.
4. New York New York is such a big hotel, there are three full size Starbucks in it. Real Starbucks. Not that "we proudly brew" stuff. 100% Authentic. (I got another city mug!)
5. Coach Outlet. Gap Outlet. Pac Sun Outlet. Hurley Outlet. J Crew Outlet. BCBG Outlet! Sorry Pastor. But I am saving all sorts of money on mexican food while you are gone.
6. I'm pretty sure I earned an activity point just walking from our hotel room to the elevators. We practically needed a tram for the journey. How can a hotel be that big? Anyway, all the activity points in the world don't matter when you eat french fries three times in as many days. (OK, there was cheese on some of the fries.) That's more times than I get to eat french fries in a year.
7. M&M World! Who knew there was so much junk in the world with the M&M logo on it? Coca Cola World II! What kid needs to go to two Coca Cola Worlds in one summer?
8. Those hotel glasses I'm not going to drink out of? Perfect for organizing my toiletries!
7.20.2008
7.17.2008
That'll teach him.
I'll show the Pastor what I think about him going somewhere without me.
This isn't what our bedroom looked like before he left.
But he'll probably be more curious to find out where all his clothes went.
Extreme Home Makeover: Parsonage Edition
Where the television formerly resided. Now the Pastor will just have to look at me.
7.16.2008
I don't know what that means, and I don't care enough to Google it.
What the Pastor is doing: learning about nonreduction neuroscientific estimations of free will and determinism.
What I am doing: trying to figure out what to wear today, and its noon. Thinking about going to get a manicure. Cleaning out my kitchen cabinets. Doing laundry. Cleaning out my makeup to give stuff to my niece.
What I am doing: trying to figure out what to wear today, and its noon. Thinking about going to get a manicure. Cleaning out my kitchen cabinets. Doing laundry. Cleaning out my makeup to give stuff to my niece.
7.14.2008
deja vu
Nice feeling at church on Sunday. Look around and think I have that shirt. I have those shorts. I have that top. Wait, no I don't. I gave that stuff away! Keep looking around. Realize three people at church have on outfits which formerly resided in my closet. Not sure if I was feeling like a nice person or if I was just high from baby-sniffing. I had a baby sitting on my lap, and he smelled way too good.
Normally, I'm a pretty good speller, but everytime I write deja vu, I have to dictionary.com it. Therefore, everytime I dictionary.com deja vu, I have deja vu.
I think I'm still high from the Baby Magic.
Every day is the same. I swear I'm not going to stay up til 1 in the morning. I want to be alert. I want to have a good day. I don't want to take a nap. I'm not a good napper. If I take a nap at the swimming pool, how will I ever get my magazines read? Naps don't work. They make me crankier. But its 12:30 a.m., and here I am. I would say tomorrow is a whole new day, but its already tomorrow now isn't it? I'm not off to a good start.
Normally, I'm a pretty good speller, but everytime I write deja vu, I have to dictionary.com it. Therefore, everytime I dictionary.com deja vu, I have deja vu.
I think I'm still high from the Baby Magic.
Every day is the same. I swear I'm not going to stay up til 1 in the morning. I want to be alert. I want to have a good day. I don't want to take a nap. I'm not a good napper. If I take a nap at the swimming pool, how will I ever get my magazines read? Naps don't work. They make me crankier. But its 12:30 a.m., and here I am. I would say tomorrow is a whole new day, but its already tomorrow now isn't it? I'm not off to a good start.
7.13.2008
Tops!
This is a before and after picture.
After I cleaned out my closets.
Before I went to Macy's and The Limited yesterday (and the day before). Take 50% off the lowest marked price? Thank you! Clothes at 85% off?!? I can't buy stuff this cheap at Goodwlll! Actually, yes I can, but other people have worn it first.
7.12.2008
You'll be very disappointed with this post
if you are that person who reads my blog and blames me for the downfall of Christianity, etc.
Here's some of my shoes - some of what's left after cleaning out my closets.
7.09.2008
Minnie Me
If you delete "gardening" and change Mickey to the Pastor, I have the same to-do list as Minnie Mouse.
Minnie is happy, right? Or is that bow on her head tied a little too tight, giving her the appearance of a perma-grin?
7.05.2008
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