me and the Pastor at a wedding in North Dakota 

Hmmmm, what can Robyn contribute to a conversation? I know! She can talk about her toes! Check out my cute bow shoes! Target rocks! 

Uhhh, that's MY purse. Shhhh, no one tell Nathan this one made the blog.  

Me, the Pastor, and the coral dress. 

It's the coral dress! It's a shame you can't see the gold shoes.  

3 waterslides. As you can see, the children had to continually endure worsening conditions on their vacation. Poor dears.  

Mom! I'm so so so so happy you survived! 

showing my son what a brave Mom I am 

me, before near-death experience on waterslide 

happy feet 

These people look happy, but they were actually on a very long road trip with small children and on the verge of losing their minds.  

Check us out!  

What a nice looking family! Dress Pastor bought me in England. 

Nathan at museum... plastic suit behind him is from a nuclear fall-out shelter.  

He's able to smile, even though his lips hurt real bad.  

Me and the Pastor on the 4th of July. Notice how neither one of us is wearing red, white and blue. Notice the Pastor is in fact wearing the Buddah shirt I bought him.  

How I am spending my summer! 

The Pastor's favorite photo from our trip. Oh, and look how the kids have to rough it with one waterslide!!!  

me and the tot in the hot tub 

Please Mom! Anything but matching t-shirts! 

As American as apple pie! The sequin purse at Mount Rushmore. Look how it sparkles!  

Crazy people at the Crazy Horse Monument. 

The family at Carhenge. 

The Pastor and me and my new favorite outfit.  

At last! I have an actual computer and can post pictures! This is my new favorite outfit!  

do-mess-tic

Beds are made - except for the one Nate is still snoozing in - house is
sane, clean, organized. And it's only 8 a.m.! Just sitting here with
my personal communication device and my iced caramel machiatto I made
all by myself, thank you very much.

Anywho, I've cooked, I've tidied up, I have endured three children. The
dishwasher and the laundry machines are in a constant state of use. The
Pastor has had actual time to work on his doctoral dissertation. And
what does the Pastor do? He's irritated that I left a package of
strawberries on the counter, did not refrigerate them, and they
spoiled. OK, so I have this weird thing about refrigerating produce.
Sigh. Does he HAVE to search out for something to be irritated about?

When your first bra starts out in the 36 number range, and is already
greater than an "a" cup, where do you go from there? A first bra which
has already surpassed my grown-up girl bra size.
My first bra didn't even have a cup size. It was more of a glorified
smaller version of an undershirt type garment. My current bra barely
has a cup size.

Yesterday was a tough day. Poolside. I was also a total piggy
yesterday so by the time dinner rolled around I figured the day was a
total wash, so I had as much of the thin-crust pizza as I wanted.

We had a pizza night last night and sat down with the kiddos to go over
our "house rules". Each kid is spectacular at pointing out when another
child has committed an infraction, but completely unable to remember how
to follow the rules themselves. So after the meeting, the rest of the
night, whenever a kid committed a kiddie crime, another kid would say
"hey...you broke a house rule!"...oy!

The Pastor went to the hospital last night to perform a pastoral visit.
The lady he went to see, well her husband has a unique vehicle. The
Pastor was cruising through the hospital parking lot, looking for a
space. The "clergy" parking spot was already occupied - by the vehicle
belonging the the husband of the sick lady.

Taking the kids to a magic show this morning. Maybe I can convince the
magician to do some hypnosis too.

home is where the laundry is

Unpacked. Laundry is done! Food in the fridge!

I got a migraine headache on the way home. I vomited not 20 minutes
away from our home. (Ewwwww! I never throw up! It is SO unattractive!)
The Pastor said my body was trying to purge the trip.

At church. It doesn't feel like what I think church should feel like.
This morning I told the Pastor I wanted to go to church where people
sing hymns and someone preaches and I can interact with other adults.
The Pastor said what if that is not what he's called to do. Sigh.

I just wanted to sing a hymn. Hear an organ. Even a nice Nazarene
church band that gets all wild and has a 75 year old lady gently tapping
on a 40 year old drum set.

But instead I am in an office building. The Pastor is here, but there's
no preaching today. I'm watching inter-city girls sing and dance to
songs and they are way way way too young to be singing and dancing like
this. Like normal, I am way overdressed.

The good news is I think I learned a new dance move this morning. Hands
on knees. Bottom sticking out. Um, that's all I can describe. Guess
I couldn't have done that at any other "church."

remember the Sabbath and keep it holy

Home. Morning. Early. Ugh.

Stayed up til 2 a.m. with chatty Pastor who had consumed 3 Mountain
Dews.

Noisy children this morning. Paying you back for all the mornings you
drag them out of bed for school.

Pastor said I will take them to Starbucks and get your drink! What's
your drink? Me, sleepy, says it then adds make sure it's non-fat.

The Pastor: I'm not getting you non-fat. You don't need it.

I love him.

More later.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Sick of camp. Sick of camp food. I wanna go home.

Yesterday afternoon I sat by the pool and sunbathed and read my In Style
magazine and a book.

This afternoon I am sitting by the lake. I'm in a giant swing. It's
like a porch swing but I don't know what to call it when it's not on a
porch. Anyway, in the swing with my pink water jug but it's full of
lemonade and not water. The kids are playing on these giant infloatable
things in the lake. After this, we are going back to the pool.

That Pastor is such a slave driver.

fun with blow up toys

At church camp. Sitting around, waiting for lives to be changed.

We are in chapel right now. The Pastor made me sit in the back, of all
places! As if! I always sit on the front row! I have been Pastor's
wife in training for years!

I have been reading a book, "The Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing". I
have 18 pages left. I really want to finish it. The Pastor took my
book away before chapel, but he did not take away my phone so I can
still blog. Ha!

I prayed today.
I can say, with certainty, it is much harder to have three kids than
one. Yep. I realized today I haven't been praying very much lately. I
decided the kids were driving me to pray. Maybe its a good thing I am
not working so I can have more time to pray.

The Pastor is on stage between blow up totem poles and blow up palm
trees. Talking about Mark 8. His hand motions are the most animated I
have ever seen. Its gotta be the inflatables.

pucker up

Right before the first time the Pastor kissed me he said "I don't want
anything complex".

This seems fairly complex.

Location: Fargo, North Dakota

Survived family reunion and a wedding (the Pastor officiated... at the
wedding, that is).

I don't think it's at all funny when you meet a bunch of people and
someone always says "there will be a quiz on names later".

-Miss Sparkler

Wish you were here!

Location: Minot, North Dakota.

Waterslide connected to hotel. I went down two of the three
waterslides. I only had a near-death experience on one of them though.

Mall connected to hotel. The mall has a Target and an Old Navy!
Vacation shopping purchases: capri pants, two tanks, two purses, three
pairs of panties, a pair of shorts. I think that's it. I visited a
pair of shoes a couple of times, but they are too impractical for how
much they cost. So I'll go back and buy them, tomorrow, right? As if I
need to supplement the nine pairs I brought.

Attention shoppers! We have a blue light special on aisle five!

Still in Bismarck, North Dakota. It is North Dakota, right? I keep
getting my Dakotas mixed up. Anyway, still in a Dakota.

It took me exactly four days.
Until I lost all track of what day of the week and what time it is. If
it wasn't for the 4th of July holiday, wouldn't know what date it is
either. Finally bought a watch so I'd know what time it is, so if I
told the Pastor I'd be someplace at a certain time I'd make it there
within a half hour or so of whatever time I'd told him. Cell phone
coverage is sketchy, so I may or may not be carrying my cell phone which
is how I normally ignore what time it is. Plus my cell phone keeps
erasing my hotel room key.

Also took me four days before I burst into tears so the Pastor asked me
if it was time for my period (there's never a good time to ask that
question and NO it is not time and it is possible to have a crying jag
which is not hormonally related). He also asked me if I wanted to crash
our method of transportation (church van) into a brick wall. I told him
no, because then I would be unable to get home.

He also asked me if I wanted to go back to work already and I said sniff
sniff YES sniff sniff. I am mourning the loss of being independent
career lady and fear I am going to turn into person who only says "chew
with your mouth shut" or "don't talk with your mouth full" or "the
proper response is yes ma'am" or leave your sister cousin friend pet
sheep alien flower arrangement toenail blah blah blah alone already!!!!
One of those people who is incapable of having an adult conversation.
The type of person incapable of having adult conversation. See, look at
myself repeating!!! I am already losing ability to communicate
coherently. I'm sure the kids would be much happier if I would just
leave them alone and not nag them to death.

So the Pastor felt sorry for me and took me to Starbucks (venti!). Then
in a moment of.... well I don't know what to call it so let's just call
it a moment, I went shopping at K Mart and Sears of all places! I
didn't know Sears had things besides tools. Oh, and there may have also
been some chocolate involved.

The GOOD news is that we are on a trip and I am not at home immediately
after quitting. If I had been at home I may have gone to the office and
begged or groveled or something. And why do I care? So now I have
three kids who won't listen to me instead of 20+ employees. I truly am
on va-ca.

And the other good news is that I am with a really sweet Pastor who puts
up with tearful outbursts and shopping trips at stores with
unbelievably ugly garments.

location: Bismarck, North Dakota

There are 3 Starbucks here. And I see a "mall" and a Red Lobster.
Civilization. I should be ok here.

dollar bill origami

Have mastered the art of dollar bill origami. Bought the book for the
kids, but they have little patience for the folding and creasing. Made
a peacock.

day two stats

day two stats
three states visited - Kansas, Nebraska and South Dakota
miles traveled - 700
monuments carved on side of mountain visited - 2
potty breaks - 27???
cannonballs into swimming pool - 57
tearful outbursts - 3*
historic roadside markers - 2
angry buffalo signs - 1
marriages/families intact - 1
nails painted - 60
nails filed - 70
miles I drove - 0
incidents of martyrdom - 1, but it was a really spectacular incident of
martyrdom.

Unable to mathematically calculate whining incidents and and number of
times the following phrase was used:
PUT YOUR BOTTOM IN A SEAT AND BUCKLE YOUR
SEATBELT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*does not include me

When the kids finally went to sleep last night and the Pastor and I laid
in bed, the Pastor said
"this has been the worst day of our wedded life."

We have been married for approximately 10 weeks. The Pastor has
conveniently been out of town for over 7 weeks. So we have all been
together as a family, for a mere handful of days which really happened
at the beginning of our marriage. The two girls were with their mother
the entire month of June. We got them back on July 1, the day we
started this cross-country trek. I say all this with a point. IN THE
NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD, why oh why did we think it was a good
idea, immediately upon return of Pastor and picking up daughters and
re-grouping as a family, to go on this trip????????

Carhenge yesterday. Google it. America's answer to Stonehenge. But by
the time we got there I no longer had the will to live.

Visited the Crazy Horse Monument. They've been working on it for over
50 years. They've basically finished the Indian's head. Ever heard of
deadlines, people????? They've got it projected that they will have a
university and all of these other facilities at the base of the mountain
when it is completed. I have two predictions: 1. It will never be
finished. 2. If there ever is anything at the base of the mountain, it
will probably be the Crazy Horse Casino.

I cannot express the excitement I feel today, in anticipation of the
fact that we will be driving across the geographical center of the
United States.

oh my

Can you believe there are places in this country where you cannot get a
cell phone signal???

running on fumes

Rest stop: Nebraska. Among the items the Pastor got: Pringles (28 grams
of fat!) and peanut butter (17 grams in 2 tbsp!!!!). How come you are
not eating Robyn?

National monument? Nice, but where is a Starbucks?

oh I wish I had a brain

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. We're in Nebraska.

Woke up at 6:30 a.m. First incident of the day approximately 6:45 a.m.
over a donut. Going to Mount Rushmore today. Flat ironed hair in the
van.

fireworks

I've been thinking about the differences between this July and last
July...

Last July 1st, the Pastor and I were just friends. We met at On the
Border and had tortilla soup with lots of crunchy tortilla strips and
grated cheese on top. The Pastor spent considerable time during our
meal on the phone with his daughters. I didn't care, after all we were
just friends, and I had had a miserable first half of the year and spent
the time scribbling out my "rest of the year resolutions". The Pastor
asked me to come over after to watch a movie. I declined. The Pastor
paid for my meal, even though it wasn't a "date". And he also said that
he just wanted to pay for it, not just because it was less than $5.
When we were walking out, the Pastor put his hand on my back. I
thought... hey, that's new.... This guy hasn't touched me before.
Hmmmmm.

I was fondly remembering this not-a-date. I mentioned this to the
Pastor and his comments were "quite honestly, I didn't think you looked
very cute that night" (hellllllooooo... white boucle suit!!!) AND if I
touched you that night it was probably because I thought I wouldn't be
dating you". Huh????????

It's nice to know that something that I have so fondly and romantically
remembered left a much different impression on the Pastor.

Last 4th of July weekend I was completely miserable. I went to the
stupid 4th of July festival and I secretly hoped that I would run into
the Pastor. And I know for a fact I looked really cute that day! Now I
am in Kansas with the Pastor and my kiddo and his kiddos. We just got
out of the car after driving several hundred miles with the kiddos and
they are swimming until they hopefully become exhausted. So I really
have no other comment right now.

that swimsuit saved my life!!!

That swimsuit saved my life!!!
Headed to church camp the week after next. Of course, had to go and buy
the daughters new one piece, burka-style swimsuits as they are unable to
wear their sinful two piece tank-inis.

My son, on the other hand, will be free to lounge about the pool
exhibiting his torso.

I cannot imagine that one piece swimsuits are the thing that prevents
one from sexual sin or promiscuity. This did lead me to come up with an
idea for a new product line.

"Chastity Swimwear"

I'm thinking this virgin-endorsing swimwear line would have some product
testimonial akin to this:
"I thank God for Chastity Swimsuits. I was headed down the wrong path
at church camp and Chastity Swimwear helped keep me pure.
Now that I have avoided sexual sin with my brother in Christ, a fellow
hormonally charged teenager, I can hold on to my virginity and save it
until I am so desperate in my 20's that I give it up to the first
non-church jerk who pays a smidgen of attention to me."

Or something like that.

The sno-cone lady and I are developing a personal relationship, not
surprising as I often develop relationships with those in the food
service industry. One day this week, she told me I looked pretty. I
have no reason to believe she was trying to butter me up as I have been
a frequent customer even without her buttering me up.

How I spent my first day of summer vacation, sabbatical, retirement,
unemployment...
Woke up with Pastor!! Uhh, wait a minute. Woke up and Pastor was moving
through the house in a bull-in-china-closet fashion, yakking on his cell
phone. Yes, he is back and it's non stop ringy dingy of the tele.

Went to Starbucks. Went to Super Target. Applied self tanner (after
exfoliating of course) to try to un-do airbrush tanning fiasco. Hope I
didn't make it worse. Went to mall. Bought white and pink polka dot
shoes to match totally cute dress the Pastor brought me home. Thought
about working on my wedding scrapbook. Watched part of "The Aviator".
Dressed up and went out to eat yummy mexican food on a nice date with
the Pastor.

Exhausted. Think I will lay down for a bit. Oh, and I already have a
one-piece. I got it last year for my own church retreat. The retreat
got canceled. So instead I went to the Pastor's, we watched a Val
Kilmer movie and smooched.